Sunday, February 15, 2009
My pack, er, family
The Pack and I have come up with a plan so that I don't have to work anymore. Step one of the plan is to get social security numbers for everyone in the pack. Step two, collect food stamps and social security. The Pack, er family and I know that there are some obvious concerns with this plan, mainly what if someone comes to check on my "kids." Not a problem because we will borrow some. There's some kids next door I'm sure I could borrow for the afternoon. We think it's a good plan. Randi and Earl are already practicing their signatures for their social security cards.
Slumber Party II
Emmah, unsure how to react in her new environment, decides camouflage is the best option.
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Snickerdoodle Slumber Party!
For those who don't know, The Snickerdoodle is my mom's dog Emmah. She's a Goldendoodle; a designer dog. Hypoallergenic. Sensitive to hats. My "sister." The Snickerdoodle can not do a lot of things. She can not eat onions. She can not be outside in the dark and she can not be by herself. So tonight the pack is having a slumber party with The Snickerdoodle. Emmah had to come stay the night in case it started to snow and her feet got wet, then hypothermic and then had to be amputated. Because she's a designer dog, Emmah has a hard time even looking at Randi and Earl. They are beneath her and not worthy of her attention. My house is inferior because she doesn't have her toys or her box of bones or my mom to do what she wants.
My sister and I think my mom somehow has some kind of Snickerdoodle cam placed on Emmah, so she can see everything that we do with her when she's not around. If Emmah could talk every sentence would start with "I'm going to tell my mom" in a pretentious voice. Tonight I'm sure she's stock piling all of the injustices at my house: no cheese at dinner, nobody to hold her while she watches TV, Randi keeps trying to play and Earl went in her crate. (Of course she has a crate. Emmah can't sleep unless she's in the crate. She's not about to sleep in/on some highly inferior bed. Designer dogs deserve designer beds.)
The last time we had a slumber party with The Snickerdoodle, she took all of Clark's toys and put them in her crate. She brought sticks into my house. Then she took a bath in the dog's water and came in the house. Of course The Snickerdoodle loves water. Her lineage can probably be traced to Martha's Vinyard.
My sister and I think my mom somehow has some kind of Snickerdoodle cam placed on Emmah, so she can see everything that we do with her when she's not around. If Emmah could talk every sentence would start with "I'm going to tell my mom" in a pretentious voice. Tonight I'm sure she's stock piling all of the injustices at my house: no cheese at dinner, nobody to hold her while she watches TV, Randi keeps trying to play and Earl went in her crate. (Of course she has a crate. Emmah can't sleep unless she's in the crate. She's not about to sleep in/on some highly inferior bed. Designer dogs deserve designer beds.)
The last time we had a slumber party with The Snickerdoodle, she took all of Clark's toys and put them in her crate. She brought sticks into my house. Then she took a bath in the dog's water and came in the house. Of course The Snickerdoodle loves water. Her lineage can probably be traced to Martha's Vinyard.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
"Earl, what are you?"
Can there be any other more embarrassing question for a dog? Is that anyway for a dog waiting to get his sutures out to be greeted. What is he? He's a chiller when he's by himself. Bad when he's with Randi and not a Jack Russel Terrier. His best description is the back half of an Aikida.
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Earl la Fleur
Earl la Fleur decided last night that the newly hung pots and pans posed an immediate threat and raised the Saratoga Animal Shelter Danger Alert to red. At 9:37pm he sounded the alert by barking in his most ferocious bark. I was in the spare room and when I heard this, I walked out and puzzled, had a brief moment of panic when I thought that maybe an intruder had entered the house and had been cornered in the kitchen by the ferocious Earl la Fleur. (I wasn't quite sure what an intruder would want in the kitchen because that's not where I keep my valuables.) However, when I peered around the corner I realized that Earl la Fleur was just barking at the pots and pans, which he watched me put up yesterday. It took about ten minutes before Earl was convinced enough to stop barking at the pots and pans.
Monday, February 2, 2009
Friday, January 23, 2009
Note: All times are approximate.
3:00pm Randi, Earl, Clark and I depart en voiture for our walk. Randi refuses to sit nicely in the back and insists on putting her feet on the console where she knows her feet are not supposed to be. She climbs over Clark and Earl to do so. Neither are very happy.
3:20pm We begin the walk.
3:50pm I decide, against my better judgment to let the puppies run free (though still attached to each other.)
3:55pm I can't see them anymore. Clark and I decide not to panic because surely how far could they have gone. We climb to the top of the hill and look. We can't see Randi and Earl. We do not panic, but continue on our route.
4:00pm Clark and I still do not panic.
4:10pm After some time of calling, Clark and I panic and call my mom to come meet us and take me back to my car so I can go and search for the puppies.
4:15pm Clark and I are picked up by some guys in a mule. They are not very nice and insist that despite Randi and Earl's size they will be eaten by coyotes.
5:00pm Bill and I make the initial search. No puppies. Panic turns into big tears.
6:00pm My dad takes Bill's place in the truck. Realizing that Randi and Earl are indeed lost in the desert and would be spending the night by themselves, alone, attached to each other, and looking tasty for the coyotes, panic turns in to hysterics and tears.
6:00-7:00pm Continued panic and hysterics.
7:30pm Return home to tell Sarah that I have indeed "lost the puppies" which induces even more hysterics and and big tears. Sarah does somersaults.
7:45pm Vicodin kicks in.
Saturday, January 24, 2009
7:30 am-3:00pm Phase II search and rescue begins. My mom, dad, sister and the bike guys all look. No Randi and Earl. My mom hands out stickies. No Randi and Earl.
12:00 I return home. Sarah sits in the breezeway looking down the street. Probably to make sure nobody is pulling her leg and the puppies aren't going to come running around the corner. The house is VERY quiet. I call all animal shelters and report Randi and Earl lost. I don't know how to answer the question "What breed?" I've always just said bad.
6:00pm My dad reports that he has seen some code enforcement guys hiding out with big binoculars. This is encouraging as if Randi and Earl were still in the desert they would see them. Some hope.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
10:00am A guy calls and says he thinks he has Randi and Earl. He does. They are still attached. They jump in the car. Earl has big gashes. They both have huge burns from the tandem leash. When I get them home, they just sleep. The pack is once again complete.
Monday, January 26, 2009
4:00pm $345 Vet Bill Earl get an Elizabethian collar. Randi nearly has panic when they take him out of the room.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Mischief continues as normal.
3:00pm Randi, Earl, Clark and I depart en voiture for our walk. Randi refuses to sit nicely in the back and insists on putting her feet on the console where she knows her feet are not supposed to be. She climbs over Clark and Earl to do so. Neither are very happy.
3:20pm We begin the walk.
3:50pm I decide, against my better judgment to let the puppies run free (though still attached to each other.)
3:55pm I can't see them anymore. Clark and I decide not to panic because surely how far could they have gone. We climb to the top of the hill and look. We can't see Randi and Earl. We do not panic, but continue on our route.
4:00pm Clark and I still do not panic.
4:10pm After some time of calling, Clark and I panic and call my mom to come meet us and take me back to my car so I can go and search for the puppies.
4:15pm Clark and I are picked up by some guys in a mule. They are not very nice and insist that despite Randi and Earl's size they will be eaten by coyotes.
5:00pm Bill and I make the initial search. No puppies. Panic turns into big tears.
6:00pm My dad takes Bill's place in the truck. Realizing that Randi and Earl are indeed lost in the desert and would be spending the night by themselves, alone, attached to each other, and looking tasty for the coyotes, panic turns in to hysterics and tears.
6:00-7:00pm Continued panic and hysterics.
7:30pm Return home to tell Sarah that I have indeed "lost the puppies" which induces even more hysterics and and big tears. Sarah does somersaults.
7:45pm Vicodin kicks in.
Saturday, January 24, 2009
7:30 am-3:00pm Phase II search and rescue begins. My mom, dad, sister and the bike guys all look. No Randi and Earl. My mom hands out stickies. No Randi and Earl.
12:00 I return home. Sarah sits in the breezeway looking down the street. Probably to make sure nobody is pulling her leg and the puppies aren't going to come running around the corner. The house is VERY quiet. I call all animal shelters and report Randi and Earl lost. I don't know how to answer the question "What breed?" I've always just said bad.
6:00pm My dad reports that he has seen some code enforcement guys hiding out with big binoculars. This is encouraging as if Randi and Earl were still in the desert they would see them. Some hope.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
10:00am A guy calls and says he thinks he has Randi and Earl. He does. They are still attached. They jump in the car. Earl has big gashes. They both have huge burns from the tandem leash. When I get them home, they just sleep. The pack is once again complete.
Monday, January 26, 2009
4:00pm $345 Vet Bill Earl get an Elizabethian collar. Randi nearly has panic when they take him out of the room.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Mischief continues as normal.
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