Television

I think that if Sarah could talk she would have sound like the two pack a day lady who works in a bowling alley. She would have swear words in each sentence, most of which would start with "This is bullshit." And if you tried to tell her otherwise, she'd bark at you. Sarah is very bitchy. This is mostly because she hates her life. She wants nothing more than to live in a houseful of men, and instead has been with some lesbians, then some other lesbians, then me and then me with Clark and then me with Clark, Randi and Earl. She has not gotten over this. She doesn't really care about me, particularly if there is a man around. Then she turns into a shameless whore strutting her stuff waiting for him to take her home. She's been let down plenty of times. There was the year she spent with creepy Jose in Fresno. (She overlooked his creepiness because he was a boy.) The year she spent with my dad when I was in France. (En plus, my dad fed her tortillas and cheese and hot dogs.) And then the month with Josh cruelly joked he was going to take her with him when he moved out on his own. Thus Sarah always has a lot to say and most of it is "bullshit."

Today was a typical Sunday afternoon. I graded papers while watching Bridezillas. Sarah was in the house with me and at one time she became quite vocal. I looked at her and she looked at me and we decided that if we are going to get married, I am going to have to be more of a bitch and start crying and whining more to get my way.

Sarah's giving me lessons.

Behind my back

Sometimes I see the strangest things when I turn around - like Earl laying completely on top of Randi. This is why I always try to have a camera nearby.

Also

The ducks ran towards me today!

The Legende...

That is Nick Viselli. The secret to wearing out the Pack is Nick Viselli. Actually, the secret to wearing anyone out is Nick Viselli. This guy. He's sneaky. You think you're just going out for a nice little bike ride and the next thing you know you're so tired you can't even breathe. I spent one summer chasing him around Bell Mountain on my mountain bike. He says things like "We don't need to stop. You've got a camelbak." One day I thought I was keeping up pretty good (i.e. I could still see him.) But he stopped and said his back was cramping. He doesn't need to stop because he's a machine. He'll ride his bike 30 miles and then go play rugby. Or do stadium runs. Or climb a mountain or charm a snake. The last time I rode with the guy I was getting over my cold and said I didn't want to go fast or far. He pulled in in front of me and the next thing I knew I was pedaling down Central Road Nick Viselli speed and straight wore out. He supposedly works at school, but no one ever sees him. He'll drive to St. George for dinner. He says things like, I was hiking up half dome and a bobcat came down and looked at me and I looked at him and then I followed him up the trail for about a half a mile. Nick Viselli's not afraid of a heliomonster-the deadliest reptile ever. Nick Viselli picks up snakes for FUN. He has snakes in his classroom. If you want to see a snake just go somewhere with Viselli. Want to find Indian arrows? Go for a hike with Viselli. Want to know where to find the best pie in the Western US? He knows.
He also has students who will come to your house and do yard work for free as part of their 'curriculum.' A couple of weeks ago Viselli came over with his workers to start working in my backyard. I really wasn't worried about the dogs because when Nick came in my backyard he was the freaking dog whisperer and the Pack just sat down and did what he wanted. But since the kids were with him, I did want to make sure the Pack would be friendly. These were my phone messages:

Bethany, I did get bit by a dog, but don't worry, we took a picture so you can submit it to your insurance. I'm sure they can get you touch with a good lawyer.

30 minutes later: Bethany, we've got a dog bite and a duck bite, but we took a picture of it so you can submit it to your insurance.

30 minutes after that: Bethany, I've got a complaint. One of the kids stepped in dog poop, so we took a picture of it so you can submit it to your insurance.

An hour later: Bethany, we've got a problem. I just came back over to the house and these dogs aren't even barking at me any more.

Only, when I got home and let the Pack in they passed out. They slept all through the scheduled evening wrestling match. All through the late evening wrestling match. And even through the pre-bed time wrestling match. I told them, that's what happens when you think you're going to play with Nick Viselli. He'll kick your ass and you won't even know what happened.

Viselli was back out here again today working on the yard with his students. So far Randi and Earl have forsaken the afternoon and evening wrestling matches for naps. They are so tired they don't even want to jump.

I want Nick Viselli at my house every day.

EDub and PDub

Everyone here at the Saratoga Animal Shelter loves animals, as all of them are now sharing their food with the birds. It's not uncommon to look out and see on one side, the dog food filled up with birds (and Randi and Earl laying nearby); then on the other side of the house, the ducks sharing their food with 10 finches. I've still not been successful in catching these guys and clipping their wings. The photo doesn't do justice to PDub's iridescent wings. They are super pretty.

Flying

The ducks have started to fly again. Or EDub (white duck) has started to fly again. Stephen says my ducks are the kind that can fly very good. So yesterday after I noticed that EDub was taking flight I decided I should try to cut his wings again. Easier said that done. I tried just chasing them, but they eluded me. Then I tried cornering them via use of the rake, but they eluded me. After I tried the broom and then throwing the towel on top of them. At each turn I was outsmarted by a duck. So nobody got his/her wing clipped and everyone was tired. Next time I'm at WalMart I'm going to purchase a net. Also PDub has some really pretty white showing up on her? wings. This is when they were easy to catch:

Location, Location, Location

With Earl increasing the frequency of which he forgets he can't get on the bed and the presence of her Highness the Snickerdoodle, the bed real estate market was a bitch last night.