Closest Cross Street to Crazy: Ridiculous

Today I spent the entire day in Verona playing Chase the Baby.  In between episodes of Crazy and Ridiculous me and my dad took Max to the park.  It was great fun.  

Max shares his turkey with Emmah Snickerdoodle, his best friend.

Productivity

I've been flipping productive today.  First, I got up and walked 4.5 miles and I finally broke into the 17 minute mile!  (I was walking as fast as I could trying to hear "last mile 17 minutes...")  Then I cleaned up the backyard.   I also found a dead bird who had been electrocuted; proof that the fence was working.  Normally I would have screamed, but I knew the handyman was coming over so I just left it. After that I used my new detail sander to sand one chair of the patio furniture that I got in my sister's divorce.  Then I painted it.  Turns out, that probably wasn't the smartest thing I could have done because my back has been sore ever since, but that didn't stop me.  I moved on to finishing my book, then I got up and started working on my wine cork trivet while watching UEFA Cup Soccer.  My Spanish lubricated from a week of Pacifico Light, I had a conversation with the cleaning lady in something resembling Spanish.  I finished a quilt top.  After that I called Mexico and got Sarita out of the pool to talk to me, then I watched my neighbor being arrested by peeking out the window.  It's been a fabulous day!

Chair

Wine Cork Trivet

Quilt Top

One Year

Yesterday was the one year anniversary of my surgery!  Yea me!! I've been super busy this week chauffeuring my dad around in his valiant effort attain the title of the most doctor visits in one week.  He doesn't have an appointment for today, but it's still pretty early.  Wednesday we went to Kaiser Fontana and in between appointments took a tour of Costco so I could get some dog bones.  I did not choose these dog treats because it just seemed like a baaaaaaad idea.

After that I toured my mom's new UFC training facility for Max.  I think she's planning on supplementing her social security with his UFC sponsorships.

I was considering applying for a summer pass to Verona.  I thought my application might be accepted, though with restricted access, but I have to wait a few days to apply.  In the meantime, I'm just using my day passes.  Wednesday I used my day pass and gave Max a bath.  It involved some tears because when I attended Bath Time Baby Training the baby was not old enough to wiggle around and I did not receive any instruction in wiggling child bath time, so he was not real pleased with my bath time antics. By the time I got his pajamas on him we were both ready for bed.  Thursday I gave the little guy a bath to a much better reception, but that could be because he'd just fallen over on his head and found it a much more pleasurable activity than crying.  Once again after the getting on of the pajamas we were both ready to curl up in Grandma's lap for bed.  

Great news!  The duck is off of her nest, so presumably the invisible eggs have hatched and flown the coop, so to speak.  It's difficult to say, since these eggs eggsisted (brahahaha) only in her head.

Mazatlán

Last week I went on vacation to Mazatlán México where I was not kidnapped and kept all of my limbs and my head.  Preparing to go to Mazatlán was actually more work than anything.  Jessica had agreed to semi-house sit for me and Sara spending the nights at Sara's with the felines and the days over here sewing with the canines.

And the Lord said unto Randi Unadopted
"Thou shall be good for Jessica or she shall shocketh thee."

 Before I left I put stickies on everything so Jessica would know which remote to use with which  device.

I also made new ghetto collars for the dogs that included Jessica's phone number in case they decided to try to escape or were incarcerated.  The night before my mom was over and said, "Beth, why are they wearing ties?"  As you can tell from this photo, these guys knew something was up because Earl and Clark are not this chummy.

Unbeknownst to me, I had been booked in first class on my flight back from Mazatlán.  I was pretty excited about it, having never traveled in first class.  When I got to LAX however, they offered me an upgrade for my flight there.  I said, "What are the benefits?"  and the ticket agent said, "Well, free cocktails...." I cut her off and handed her my card.  Sara politely picked me up at the airport and went with me on the shuttle to the resort where I was ready to party after my three inflight gin and tonics + 1/2 of pain pill combo.  We promptly met up with Jose and Francesca and sat down for Bingo.  I did not win at bingo any day.  Sara Suertera, however, continues to win daily.

Walk to Playa Bruja (4.2 miles)

Photo album for the Bridezilla

Wednesday we left the resort to go snorkeling.  I wasn't sure how it was going to be with my back, so I had some beers before we started.  I nearly killed myself in the panic that ensued when I was trying to breath through the snorkeling equipment until I told myself to calm the fuck down.  Then everything went much better.  I saw lots of fish and Sara saw octopi.  I returned to the beach earlier than Sara because I didn't want to go balls to the wall on my first time out snorkeling.  Plus, there was no beer in the ocean-it was on on the beach.

Me and Sara on our way to go snorkeling

Jose and Francesca

There were a couple of scammers on the beach who would not leave us alone.  I told them, "I'm on to you two scammers.  You live here on the beach underneath the "Titi Boys I" boat and get tourists to feel sorry for you and give you hugs and food, but I'm not falling for it."  Scam.

While on the beach Jose was talking about his native Nicaragua and I inquired what kind of tourism there might be in Nicaragua and Jose reflected and then replied, "Well, volcanos, sharks in lakes, and black people who speak English."  It's a wonder people don't flock to Nicaragua.

Jose, me and Sara

An iguana

 At the resort there were many iguanas.  I think this one below was trying to seduce Sara.

Iguana:  Hola Senorita, eres muy bonita.  Te quiero.  I would like to come and live with you in the United States.
Sara:  AAH!
Iguana:  Ah no senorita, no screams.  I have my passport, I can go in your luggage.  Look I can do push ups.

Possibly the same iguana.

Pretty much all I did.

Gecko in Sara's room.  We are lucky we made it out alive.

I called Jessica when I was driving home and her words were that the dogs had been very good and if she didn't know them she would have thought that they were always like that and that they were "angels."  I feel so proud.

Stanley

There's a new member of the Saratoga Animal Shelter.  His name is Stanley.  Stanley's a crow (raven).  Stanley's been hanging out here for about two weeks, but I haven't been very successful getting his picture because Stanley has amazing hearing and x-ray eyes and can see when I tip toe over to the camera and look out the window to take his picture.  I think Stanley and PDub are carrying on an illicit affair.

Facts concerning the illicit affair of Stanley the Crow (raven) and PDub the Duck:

1.  PDub has only been seen off of her nest of no eggs when Stanley is around.

2.  Tuesday Stanley appeared to be wet and PDub had just got out of the pool proving that they had recently been skinny dipping together.

I think Stanley may also be working on the mouse population of the shelter, but I'm not certain.  He does like to make Randi and Earl go crazy by flying low.  I told Stanley that he might want to be careful because I did one time see with my own two eyes, Clark and Sarah maim a crow (raven).  I'm much less concerned for Stanley's life given Randi and Earl's I don't give a fuck attitude vis à vis birds.

Stanley

The Animal Shelter is on vacation, which means that we went from going 7,000 miles an hour to approximately 0 miles an hour which means that I have been somewhat at a loss at what to do with all of my sudden time.  I do things and then still have time left in the day.  I've been having some issues with my back cramping which has been no good.  Wednesday when I went to Verona I nearly dropped the baby when I bent over to put him down.  Let me tell you that if that happened there would be nobody helping me to sneak into Verona.  In any case, I've spent a large amount of time taking some muscle relaxers.  Yesterday I had one major goal:  get the electric fence working.  It took me a long time because I work slowly due to the back cramping.  Then, because my one goal of the day had been successfully completely by myself and I didn't have to call anyone to help me by 9:30 am, I ate lunch and took a half a pain pill and laid on the couch for the rest of the day until I pulled myself together to go give a final at the college.

TFGTGDFYITFO

Friday was the last student day at school!!!!!  I hosted a cocktail refreshment hour at my house that I was calling the "Thank fucking god this god damn year is the fuck over" cocktails and I told people that I was going to start enjoying refreshments at 4:00 and if they wanted to join me that would be fantastic.  I also said that I was going to continue to enjoy refreshments until either a) I fell over or b) Sara left.  In anticipation of company I decided to put the shock collars on Randi and Earl.  I was hopeful that they might be able to stay in the house because they've been pretty good when company has been over.  It was literally, shocking because Randi and Earl both conducted themselves in a manner that could only be described as model behavior.  There was no jumping over or onto the coffee table or dinning room table.  Earl did not eat the sour cream off of the counter.  There was barely even any licking.  Sara, Jessica and I were dumbfounded.  Bill said he hadn't ever seen them like this.  (We used to walk with him and I think at one point he may have suggested I start walking sans Randi and Earl if I wanted to keep walking with him.)  It was extraordinary.    For the most part the dogs just laid about and looked cute.  I'm still not sure exactly what has gone on and I'm waiting for the results of their tox screens, but it sure was nice.  What was not nice was that 10 people came into my house and they didn't bark once.  I'm not happy about that. These three even put themselves to bed in a calm and orderly manner, leaving more than enough room for myself and slept all night long without a peep.

My TFGTGDFYITFO party was marred only by the fact that yesterday the swamp cooler in the window stopped working and it was slightly warm in the house.  I did what any normal person would do and I called the handyman who came out today and said it was the motor, which he replaced.

GOOD DOGS!