Overdue

If PDub doesn't lay an egg soon, I'm going to have to take her to get basted. Her belly's freaking huge! She's going to have to wait until after the fair because Duane and the Ag kids are all there eating funnel cakes and drinking beer. Or just showing their animals. Probably just showing their animals since they can't really drink while on a school sponsored trip. That went out in the 1990s.

Fat Lip

I got a fat lip this morning because last night Peggy and Evan's little chihuahua bit me. (On the lip, obviously.) He took a little chunk out. And it bled for a good moment. I'm fine. I don't really know what happened. I was holding the dog on my lap and next thing I knew...Maybe I got too close to his face? Maybe I pinched him? It happened pretty quick.

My official story is that Evan socked me in the face because I said I wasn't going to take his plates to BTSA this afternoon. That's a much better story.

Jealousy

Today I went to Costco. I do not usually go to Costco because it takes like 25 minutes to get there and I usually only want some lettuce. But today, I went. While waiting in line, I turned around to see two people making out! I'm an expert at making out, not from doing it so much but from seeing it. Apparently my classroom is make out central and I see kids kissing all the dang time out my window. But these people were not teenagers. The guy was at least 50 and she was no so 50, but they were making out. After staring, I turned around, then turned back again and they were still at it! Making out in line at Costco. My thoughts in order:

Numéro Un: Ewwwww
Numéro Deux: Double Ewwww
Numéro Trois: I want someone to make out at Costco with.

It reminded me of when I was in Strasbourg and people were always making out on the tram. I desperately wanted to make out on the tram with someone; if only just to fit in. In fact one time I got on the tram, me and the chemists and I thought, really, who else besides me could get on the tram being the only girl with six nice looking boys, not one of whom is going to make out with me. That tram ride sucked.

Grammar

I would like to take a moment to rant about the importance of proper grammar. Today I had a moment where not only was I fearful for the future of our country, I was just annoyed. I have to hire some new tutors for our after school program. So I sent an e-mail to the community college and community college students have been e-mailing me regarding the tutoring positions. (No, my applicant pool is not coming from Harvard or a UC, but still community college has standards.) What I get are e-mails from people who can't even capitalize "I" in an e-mail to inquire about a job! Or e-mails that say "can u tell me..." Let me just say that in case you are looking for a job as a tutor in subjects such as English, Spanish, etc. you should know that those words are capitalized! Some people are not getting an interview just based on that alone. I mean come on! We're not even talking about something as complicated as there, their and they're. What a waste of my time reading these stupid e-mails.

Also today I just feel like shit. My sciatica/arthritis hurt so much this morning I was shaking. I can't even sit today and be comfortable and normally I can at least do that. That could be a reason I was so easily annoyed with dumb people today.

Clearly the barrier I put up to keep them off the patio is not effective.

Where's Clark? (Hint-He is not wearing a stripped shirt like Waldo.)

Terror Threat

It is a well established fact that the biggest threat the Saratoga Animal Shelter faces is hot air balloons. When the balloons fly over, the Threat Alert at the Shelter goes into maximum overdrive and everyone barks incessantly. Today the threat came at 6:42 am while I was sleeping from the south and east facing fronts. Lucky for me, the Pack is vigilant regarding these types of threats to our safety and peace of mind; Sarah, whom I'm surprised can even see the balloons, Clark-even Randi and Earl all participate by being the four most annoying dogs ever. And I can say a lot of things about Randi and Earl, but one thing they are not are barkers. They make special allowance for balloons. They are currently all passed out after protecting the domicile from hot air threats.
Additionally, yesterday I purchased my ticket to go see Tim McGraw and Lady Antebellum!! I'm going to go with Gretchen and Buddy. Besides being named Buddy, my second favorite part about Buddy is that he's a fire fighter and I am always hopeful that Buddy will invite some of his hot fire fighter friends whenever I'm around. Several times I've been out and about and seen a group of hot fire fighters and thought, please let Buddy be with them, please let Buddy be with them, because then I would have reason to walk up and be like Hey, Buddy, how's it going? Who're these fine young men here? But unfortunately Buddy is never around when there is a group of hot fire fighters.

This Week

• EDub has started pulling out her feathers. The little back yard looks like there was a pillow fight. I think PDub is getting ready to lay some eggs because her belly looks bigger.
• Wednesday I heard this in the back of the classroom, "Just ask her, don't be embarrassed." Then the question, "Ms. Thompson, uh, you know that, uh, Plan B pill? That's good for like 72 hours right? I think it's 72 hours, not two days right?" What I said was I have no idea, but probably you wouldn't want to wait. What I wanted to say was, Well the last time I had to use Plan B, I rolled over and said, hey, what's your name again? Put some clothes on. We're going to Walgreens. One time, I had this question: Ms. Thompson, is it true boys can't get pregnant? I responded that yes I was a 100% sure boys could not get pregnant. (They were still doubtful.) Answering these types of questions is nearly as fun as when Dr. Lee was absent for Advisory in January and I had to give the STD talk. With no notes or anything because I didn't know he was going to be absent until the tardy bell rang. Good times. Good awkward times.
  
• This morning I used Randi as a pillow. She decided to take a walk up by my head and rolled over onto her back, so I put my head on her belly, cradled between her rib cage and leg. Despite, I think, making me lean toward the crazy lady with the dogs variety, it was remarkably comfortable. My ear was up against her ribs and it sounded like those wave machines. She only liked it for about two minutes.
  

Handyman

The Saratoga Animal Shelter has a new handyman and I love him. Love him in non handyman porn scene way. He rewired the swamp cooler on the roof, fixed all the lights that weren't working, installed the screen door, went to Lowe's and bought the faucet thingy I couldn't find because I said when I went and couldn't find it I just wanted to cry. (I did. And of course there was no one at Lowe's to help me find the faucet thingy.) Today he came over and put the other swamp cooler in the window. He did not have a spout of tourettes; he cleaned up after himself and he brought and took away all his own tools. Who even knew it was possible.