Confirmed

My duck is a few eggs short of an omelet.  Literally.  This lady has been sitting dutifully on a nest for three days.  But Beth, you say, that sounds like rather normal fowl behavior.  Right.  It would be if there were any eggs in her nest.  But hélas, there are not.  Not a one.  She stopped laying eggs four days ago and for you math geniuses that would be one day before she decided to check into the Hotel de Nid located under the half dead tree at the corner of Drive the Dogs Crazy and Concrete (**).

In other news everyone is sick.  I'm sick.  Max is sick.  And Randi keeps falling off the bed at night, so she must be sick.

Creeping Bedtimes

Even as a little puppy, Puppy Clark would put himself to bed at promptly 8:30PM every night.  At first Sarah and I got worried thinking that he had run away or got out, but then I would say, "Sarah, let's look in his crate."  And sure enough Puppy Clark would be snoozing away.  Well, no more because Puppy Clark is no longer a puppy and his bedtime has been pushed up.  Now at 6:45PM I know where to find that guy...passed out on my bed.  All of this puts the average bedtime at the Saratoga Animal Shelter at about 7:30PM because I am so tired from work and being upright that I'm in bed, usually by 7:00PM.  (I'm only up late tonight because I forgot to pre-order the new Jack Reacher novel which came out today.)  My mom says I need to call my doctor to tell her that I'm so tired all the time because maybe I'm anemic, or anorexic or lacking in B12 vitamins or short on endorphins or suffering from a mutant viral infection or have a bleed in my brain.  I think the doctor's going to say, You're working 11-12 hours a day and you wonder why you're tired?  I think I'll save the co-pay to purchase gin.

Book Reviews

The Last Werewolf  Glen Duncan.  Abandoned.  I didn't finish this book.  Not because it wasn't great, but because it took me too long and the LA County Library took it back before I could finish it.  Not good enough to buy to finish.  Maybe if San Bernardino County makes it available I'll finish it.

The Relic Douglas Preston and Lincoln Child.  I didn't like this book.  Bill told me I'd like this Pendergrass series and I call, not so much.  This book's about some monster, animal mutant that's killing people in the New York Natural History Museum.  It rips people open and then eats their brains.  Ick.  I read three books trying to finish this book.  The last 100 pages were interesting, but before that?  Boring.  The idiot cop was too much of an idiot to be believable.   I only kept reading because I felt obliged when I didn't have another book to read.

The Persuader Lee Child.  Jack Reacher sees a guy he once knew and ends up getting involved with the CIA (or FBI, I can't remember) in order to try to find a missing agent.  He goes undercover.  He shoots some people in the head.  He is a man whore with the lady who is running the operation.  Exactly what you expect from Jack Reacher.  Hard core.

Nine Dragons Michael Connelly.  I'm technically not done with this book.  I still have 30 pages to go, but I'm going to review it anyways because it's just a formally now.  First, I hate reading books where kids are kidnapped.  And I doubly hate reading books where the character's kids are kidnapped.  (I gave up reading 24 Hours by Greg Iles for that exact reason.)  Harry Bosch's daughter has been kidnapped in Hong Kong.  He gets on a plane to go get her.  He does.  I like Harry Bosch better when he didn't have feelings and smoked packs of cigarettes.  I don't like Harry Bosch loving dad.  I like Detective Bosch investigating and not running around a city being Jack Reacher.  Still interesting.  Still a fast paced read.  But not the best.

In other book news, the new Jack Reacher book comes out this Tuesday!!  Let's be honest, I'll probably buy it.

Racking Up the Friends

I have had an unprecedented friending weekend.  I've been inundated with follow requests on my Twitter account, which brings my total followers up to three.  I'm not surprised at my lack of flock because I don't ever tweet.  I'm just what Gretchen's sister MaryAnn calls a 'creeper' because I just look to see what everyone else is doing.  True.  What would I tweet about?  Right now it would be "Earl, licking his feet again."  or "Randi and Clark playing on the bed." or "I think I'm getting sick, too tired to walk."  Plus I'm kinda afraid if I break the tweeting seal I might end up like Blake Shelton and just tweeting "Oh my god, I'm so drunk right now (fill in the blank)" every night.  And that's not good for anyone.   Today, I updated the blog, with the button on the side just in case anyone else wants to follow my non-tweets.

In case you don't get the Daily Press delivered to your house, you will have missed the article about CAMP in Friday's paper.  Just another reason your kid should be going to AVHS.

The Eye

This morning while I was out for my walk (2.81 miles at 2.8 mph!) there was a feral cat who threatened my life.  This cat hunkered down and gave me an evil eye so malicious that I crossed to the other side of the road because I thought, right, all I need is for a cat to attack me and then I'd have an asthma attack and rabies.  This cat watched me for at least a half a block.  I watched it too, but uncertain of the way of the felines, I wasn't sure how much I could stare at it before it would spring up and eat my face.  I used my only weapon and said, "Cat, you think you're hot shit right here Lone Eagle Road?  Why don't you take a stroll to the end of Saratoga.  Yeah, that's right Saratoga.  Ask for Randi and Earl."

A Gentle Plea

Dear Eggs-
I realize that most of the good one left years ago, but that's no reason to get all irrational and start acting like we're twelve.  It's unnecessary and embarrassing.  Get it together.
The Management

Vrai ou Faux

Si la phrase est fausse corrigez-la pour qu'elle soit vraie.  You lose one letter grade for each day your assignment is late.

1.  I am working too freaking much.
2. Tuesday Earl took a an empty and dirty Tupperware container out of the sink and to the backyard to nibble on while I got the duck egg.
3.  Randi knocked over a half a glass of water trying to get to Earl's empty and dirty Tupperware container.
4. I have still not picked it up.
5. There was a couple smoking either a) pot or b) crack out of a bong on the corner when I came home yesterday.
6. Randi somehow managed to get her head through the hole in the sheet that covers the love seat and walked around wearing it like a toga until Earl helped her rip it off.  
7. I don't have a picture because I was lounging on the sofa and like a turtle, it takes some time for me to get up.
8. Gretchen suggested I go have beers with her and Buddy and the hot firefighters and when I said, "Gretchen, I'm wearing a back brace, " she responded with, "Well maybe someone will have sympathy for you" and Sadonna added, "It's a conversation starter."
9. I wasn't feeling it.
10. Bodily harm could come to me if I don't show up to the post-Bell game fête at Gretchen's.
11. Clark is fucking needy clingy.
12. My dad and Max are adorable!!