Me and My Pack of Dogs

Monday, February 11, 2013

Press Release

For Immediate Release

The Saratoga Animal Shelter is pleased to announce the opening of its new Geriatric Treatment and Wellness Center. The new geriatric wing is conveniently located on the east side of the shelter in the Little Backyard. Currently the Geriatric Wing has two beds, but offers patients a smaller yard so as not to get lost, privacy and separation from bigger dogs who might wish to knock the geriatric patients over, a small patch of grass, concrete to keep the patients from getting out and early access to the sun so as to sunbathe early in the morning.

That in Which the Hapless Heroine Goes in a Bounce House

Saturday me and my party crashing budding, Maximus, went to a birthday party. The birthday party was for the son of this guy that used to be in band with me and my sister and with whom my mother had some kind of friendship. They are people I once used to have daily contact with in school, but who are not my friends. My mom and dad, having gone to Hemet on purpose in the motor home, left me to take Max to the birthday party.

We were late because somebody was busy taking a nap and when I walked in you could see all the family like "who the fuck is that?" I announced myself loudly, "I'm Shirley's daughter. I brought the baby!" As it turned out Max and the birthday boy were the only small children there. We came in and I suffered through the same awkward conversation I probably had at Max's birthday party a year ago. "Are you still teaching?" "And what are you doing?" "How are the boys?" "What are your kids doing now?" We were all raised properly and so we all pretended to care about what we were saying to each other.

Then there was the bounce house and the grandma said, "You can go in there with him- show him what to do. If I could go in, you could go in." I've never been in a bounce house in my life, being a person who generally does not like to fall down I'm sure I wouldn't have like it as a child and I knew the bounce house was probably not a smart idea as an adult, but I didn't want to be weaker than a grandma and also I didn't want Max to be bounce house ignorant because Aunt Beth has back issues. The guy's got so many challenges already it hardly seemed fair to add to them.

Max is not a good jumper yet. At gymnastics he does some kind of foot shuffle thing when he's supposed to be jumping on the trampoline. He met the bounce house with a good dose of caution and whining, but quickly took to bouncing and even got the big kids to bounce him super high. I was super vigilant because Max throws up easily and his father said he had thrown up his breakfast and all I could see was that guy barfing all over the bounce house. Gross.

Max did not throw up and was by far the best at hitting the piñata with the stick. Probably because my mother bought him a T-ball set which he uses in the backyard. We had a great time at the birthday party and then we came home and watched Sesame Street and I wanted to take a pain pill, but thought that was reckless in case I needed to have my wits about me in case of emergency in the middle of the night.

Photos

I'm missing two days. One because I got all off on my photos one week and had to make up and forgot it and the other because I know which picture I want to take but it's at school.

sun 1.27.2013

through 1.28.2013

(throw) down 1.30.2013 between Shila and the water bowl

yourself 1.31.2013

fork 2.1.2013

patter 2.2.2013

something that begins with "e" 2.3.2013

Hope 2.4.2013

something you smelled 2.5.2013

soft 2.6.2013

something orange 2.8. 2013 (on a Friday? too easy!!)

guilt pleasures 2.9.2013

3 o'clock 2.10.2013

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Trains

On Monday I took dinner to my parents so I could visit with Max who had been on vacation with all the other retired people in the world at Quartzsite, AR. After dinner I discovered that the only thing less interesting than playing legos is playing trains. Ugh. After pushing the trains around on the sand pit / train table I said, "Oh Max this is soooo not interesting." He thought I was funny. Then I discovered that all of his trains have names so I started making up stories for them and before I knew it Thomas and Emily were kissing. (Whatever, they've probably been "friends" forever.) In between kissing I exclaimed "Ugggggh, Max this is so boring!" Then I made the trains ride up on my arms and jump (in hopes that the trains jumping would help Max to jump in gymnastics because the jumping he does in gymnastics is only a distant relative of actual jumping.) I also had the trains crash into each other until I realized that this might result in boy violence and since I know better than to throw my trains into my mom's cabinet of porcelain cows I thought I probably shouldn't model behavior that might lead to that. In any case, what I came away with is trains are fucking boring.

I didn't get to go to gymnastics today because I had to go to a meeting. Every week this month I have been to one meeting that has made me want to change my profession. Today, at the end, I thought what if I just burst into tears? What if I just start sobbing because I can't fucking stand this fucking shit any more? What would happen? I think I'm a good person. I try to do my best. It leaves me to wonder why I have to sit through such awful meetings. The best part of today? My walk with Clarence and Bill. Why? Because it was at 10am on a weekday and because they're fucking funny.

Monday, January 28, 2013

Lazy Sunday

First, I looked over to see Randi playing hide and seek with herself.

Where's Randi?

Then she got up and was wearing the blanket.

Next she was laying all classy like on the couch when Earl decided he wanted to sit on the couch, so he just climbed up and sat on her stomach.

So she just gave him a hug. He sat half squishing her leg, stomach and lady parts and half in my lap for at least 20 minutes. Randi did not care that her leg, stomach and lady parts were being smushed by Earl.

Sunday, January 27, 2013

Warm!

This week has been ridiculous. It was one thing after another from 4:30am to 8:00pm. I cried more than once. All I could think was Friday this week will be over. Friday...Friday... Friday...

Monday I finished and installed my Pinterest project. I bought a buffet from the thrift store and redid it using a recipe for "chalk pain" that I saw, where else?, on Pinterest. I took out the bottom shelf and used my round saw to cut a piece of wood to make wine storage. I've got mad saw skills. There's 18 bottles of wine in there and room for more. It looks great. I also painted the top, but it was way to heavy for me to move in the house and I haven't decided if I'm going to keep it or not.

Monday I also decided that I would use Earl as a stand in for conversations that I wanted to have with people with whom I can not actually speak my mind. I thought it might help my anger issues. My conversation with Earl started with "You are a beeping, beeping, beeeeep, beeeeeeee." That worked ok, but Earl started wagging his tail and then I just started laughing.

On Tuesday my house finally got warm! Warm! Warm!! It's so exciting. In what was a stressful afternoon, my pellet stove got installed and I promptly turned it up and got warm. It hasn't been all that cold this week, but it has been stinking amazing. It's possible I don't even have to wear my robe in the morning. All four of the dogs slept out in the living room. Amazing. The installation was a bit of a circus because I had to have everyone in the Little Backyard where Randi dug a foot deep hole in probably 20 seconds.

After this crazy week, I've spend most of the weekend trying not to run around. It's nice not running around.

This week's photos: