It has became increasing clear that without mood enhancers/pain killers I would be incapable of finishing this jury Powerpoint for the Big Guy with both of my eyes still intact. Since I was out of gin, I tried to get Earl to give up the location of his pot stash. He would not. I tried to tickle it out of him, since he is highly ticklish. (All dogs have the special spot on their belly, but Earl is ticklish everywhere. On his nose, behind his ears, the pads of his feet. In fact I suspect he chews on his feet so much because he likes tickling himself while he does it.) I'd have waved cash in his face, but I didn't have any and he went back to sleep, so I gave up and went to Wal-Mart thinking I could get some alcohol there. Turns out the hard liquor is sold in the same aisle as the school supplies. Quite convenient, but apparently lots of people have Powerpoints to work on because Wal-Mart was out of gin. I did get some at the grocery store, 750 ml, which should get me through 119 slides. God, I hope.
I told the Big Guy that I'm going to turn this into a money maker by printing all the Batson-Watson-Wilson Rules onto a 3x5 card that I will sell outside the courthouse to potential jurors who wish to shirk their civic and constitutional duties. I didn't tell him that once I make my millions I would buy him a new motor home. I want it to be a surprise. My other scheme is to get the Big Guy to take me to the conference as his "assistant" to help him. In exchange he can buy all my dinners and gin and tonics and introduce me to all of the single lawyers there. I'm sure he will see that it is a win-win situation for him. No one will know he didn't do his own Powerpoint and my mom will get to make a wedding dress.
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