Open Letter to the Squirrel that Just Ran Out of the Duck Food Container

Dear Mr. or Ms. Squirrel,
It appears that you have discovered the duck food container. I understand that this must seem like an easy way for you to eat and possibly feed your squirrel family. Perhaps you are the one who knocked over the shovel by the duck food in the middle of the night a week ago, throwing the entire Pack into a frenzy. Let me be clear, Mr. or Ms. Squirrel, you are not welcome at the Saratoga Animal Shelter. We are currently full to capacity and not even accepting applications. While I am perfectly content to ignore the families of mice that are feeding off of the duck food, they do not open the lid and help themselves. They wait until the cloak of dusk to feed off of what the ducks have left behind. I am not prepared to start feeding you and your little ones. I'm sure you can understand that if I start letting you feed here I will have to open the place to all kinds of unsavory critters. A line must and has been drawn. I have placed a heavy brick on top of the container to prevent you from opening it again. It would behoove you to not even try. Likely the brick will topple on top of you and kill you and neither of us want that. The Saratoga Animal Shelter is not welfare for animals. If you continue to come around in search of duck food, I will be forced to take even more drastic measures, including, but not limited to: a cease and desist order, getting a shotgun or screaming a lot. I thank you for your kind understanding in this delicate matter.

Sincerely,
The Saratoga Animal Shelter