Legos

Yesterday I went to my parents to spend some time with Max.  I had to go in the morning because my back is still being unreasonable and uncooperative and I figured if I played with him in the morning I could take a pain pill in the afternoon.  Max was at the airport when I first got there watching the one plane land and one plane take off at the busy Apple Valley airport.  When he got back my mom brought out his gigantic plastic crate of oversized baby Legos and said, "Show Aunt Beth how you play Legos."

Yes, please Max show me how to play Legos because I don't fucking get it.  I know that my parent friends have said, "Oh yeah, we played Legos" and I don't understand what that means.  I know you're supposed to build crap with the Legos, but that's "building with" Legos and not "playing" with Legos.  On the floor with the baby, I said, "Dad, what the heck am I supposed to do?"  And he said, "You put them together and he takes them apart."  Well, that's hardly seems like "playing" either.  I even Googled "how to play Legos," because I might not be all hip and happening with the babies, but I do know how to look shit up.  Google was not that helpful.  There are no real guidelines for "playing" Legos.  So, I tried to construct something other than a wall, but, and I'm going to be completely honest right now, that was fucking boring.  There is no way on Earth that I would be able to figure out how to build anything but a square out of Legos; nor do I want to spend the mental energy thinking abou it.  Not wanting to influence Max's opinion of the Legos, I swallowed my disdain and confusion and started putting all the blue ones together.  If I couldn't "play" Legos then at least they would all be color coordinated in the crate.

I wish Max would want to play Barbies, because I know about playing Barbies and one can actually play Barbies and have conversations and make stupid shit up.  How can you make stupid shit up with a Lego?  Maybe I will pull me and my sister's Barbies and Barbie house out of my mom's shed and give Ken and Barbie a bath and then we can play Barbies.

How I Imagine Me and Max Will Play Barbies:
(I will do all of the voices except where Max talks.)

Barbie comes in the house door.

Ken (in an apron):  Hi sweetie!  I was just finishing up dinner.  You look beat.  Do you want the pinot noir or the whiskey tonight?

Barbie:  Whiskey.  (Kisses Ken on the cheek- it's a family show.)

Ken:  Bad day?

Max:  Ball.

Me (breaking character):  No, Ken doesn't have any balls.

Barbie:  You wouldn't believe my crazy day today.

Max:  Dog.

Me:  Ken and Barbie don't have a dog, Max.

Max:  Car

Me:  Great idea Max.  Ken and Barbie have a nice car!

Ken:  Maybe we can take a drive in the car later.

Barbie:  I'd love that.  I'll go change.

Max:  Boobie.

Me (shouting to the kitchen): Good job Grandma!