The Legende...

That is Nick Viselli. The secret to wearing out the Pack is Nick Viselli. Actually, the secret to wearing anyone out is Nick Viselli. This guy. He's sneaky. You think you're just going out for a nice little bike ride and the next thing you know you're so tired you can't even breathe. I spent one summer chasing him around Bell Mountain on my mountain bike. He says things like "We don't need to stop. You've got a camelbak." One day I thought I was keeping up pretty good (i.e. I could still see him.) But he stopped and said his back was cramping. He doesn't need to stop because he's a machine. He'll ride his bike 30 miles and then go play rugby. Or do stadium runs. Or climb a mountain or charm a snake. The last time I rode with the guy I was getting over my cold and said I didn't want to go fast or far. He pulled in in front of me and the next thing I knew I was pedaling down Central Road Nick Viselli speed and straight wore out. He supposedly works at school, but no one ever sees him. He'll drive to St. George for dinner. He says things like, I was hiking up half dome and a bobcat came down and looked at me and I looked at him and then I followed him up the trail for about a half a mile. Nick Viselli's not afraid of a heliomonster-the deadliest reptile ever. Nick Viselli picks up snakes for FUN. He has snakes in his classroom. If you want to see a snake just go somewhere with Viselli. Want to find Indian arrows? Go for a hike with Viselli. Want to know where to find the best pie in the Western US? He knows.
He also has students who will come to your house and do yard work for free as part of their 'curriculum.' A couple of weeks ago Viselli came over with his workers to start working in my backyard. I really wasn't worried about the dogs because when Nick came in my backyard he was the freaking dog whisperer and the Pack just sat down and did what he wanted. But since the kids were with him, I did want to make sure the Pack would be friendly. These were my phone messages:

Bethany, I did get bit by a dog, but don't worry, we took a picture so you can submit it to your insurance. I'm sure they can get you touch with a good lawyer.

30 minutes later: Bethany, we've got a dog bite and a duck bite, but we took a picture of it so you can submit it to your insurance.

30 minutes after that: Bethany, I've got a complaint. One of the kids stepped in dog poop, so we took a picture of it so you can submit it to your insurance.

An hour later: Bethany, we've got a problem. I just came back over to the house and these dogs aren't even barking at me any more.

Only, when I got home and let the Pack in they passed out. They slept all through the scheduled evening wrestling match. All through the late evening wrestling match. And even through the pre-bed time wrestling match. I told them, that's what happens when you think you're going to play with Nick Viselli. He'll kick your ass and you won't even know what happened.

Viselli was back out here again today working on the yard with his students. So far Randi and Earl have forsaken the afternoon and evening wrestling matches for naps. They are so tired they don't even want to jump.

I want Nick Viselli at my house every day.