Land O Failed Comedians

I went to the gym today for the first time since I got my spinner bike. I went because I wanted to get out of the house and since I didn't have anything else to do I thought it seemed like a well thought out plan. I went because I thought surely in the nearly 4 1/2 months since I've been there they'd have fixed the damn spinner bikes. I went because I was feeling like I need to step it up a bit in the exercise category and possibly get to some different classes in my effort to not be a fat old man. I went because hope springs eternal.

The spinner bikes- all still broke, which made me mad, but I had forgotten that the gym is also social hour so when I saw Sheri I got on the elliptical next to her and explained how I hated the gym and she said, "Bethany, you're kinda angry about this." I said, "No fucking shit because my leg is numb already and I've been doing this only for three minutes." Then I saw Laura, Chaddie's wife, and curtailed my swearing tirade long enough to invite myself over to dinner. She was going to the spinning class as well and I said, "You can sit by me and you'll keep me from embarrassing myself and punching someone if I get annoyed."

Apparently if you can't make it in the 'biz' as a comedienne you are qualified to teach spinning at 24 Hour Fitness. I was too happy to just be in the room and not sick that I was no where near punching the lady in the face, but as each choreographed joke fell on a mostly silent public, I thought, fuck, if I'd wanted to laugh while spinning I would have stayed home and watched The Daily Show like normal! Then we had to play Family Feud against the Tuesday night spinning class. I didn't punch anyone in the face and in fact, I was more just confusèd than seriously put out. And it felt so good to get some exercise! I've decided that my litmus test for classes will be this: When compared to an hour on the bike watching the hotties of Hawaii 5-O, will I be more energized or will it end with me screaming "Get me Jack Reacher!"?

Then I went to Joann's and thought I was going to pass out because my back hurt so much before the ladies could cut and ring up my fabric.

When I got home Earl was so busy humping Randi he dragged her halfway across the breezeway. She normally just stands there with this look on her face, like, really, again? Can't we just agree you're the man? It's so embarrassing.