Fat Old Men

Far be it for me to take pleasure in someone else's pain, but today Gretchen went to the doctor for her 'abnormally large toe' and was told that she has gout. I'm so excited by this information because I can't think of anyone who is less of a fat old man than Gretchen. Now we can be fat old men together!

This news comes at the perfect time because yesterday my doctor's referral lady called and said, "The doctor reviewed your CAT scan and it confirms that you have multiple bulging discs and so she wants to know if you're going to have the surgery." I said, "Ok, well first of all, I haven't talked to anyone about these new results and so I don't know if this is going to change what the doctor recommends as far as surgery and second, huh? Like I'm just supposed to decide over the phone that I want to have surgery?"

The CAT scan showed bulging discs pretty much all down my spine. It said, if you read between all of the medical jargon- you are a damn disaster. It confirms that my back hurts so much yesterday and today that I don't want to stand up or move anywhere today unless it's to take more pain medicine.

But back to the Fat Old Men Epidemic running rampant in the F Wing. This is obviously caused by some kind of Fat Old Men mold in our adjoined classrooms and I will be able to parlay this into a workman's comp issue and get my back fixed.