Mythical Creatures

Sooooo, a couple of weeks ago I used my free couple of months of Showtime to watch the first in the Twilight Saga. Before watching I knew the following about the story:

• Besides Harry Potter this is the most read series of books by high school kids.
• Taylor Lautner takes his shirt off, but anyone older than 20 is a borderline child molester for thinking he looks hot. And he was also the star, two years in a row, of "Imparfait: The Powerpoint" a glorious teaching tool in which I choose whichever celebrity the girls think is the hotest and tell what he was like as a 'child' which includes him eating dog food, having rocks as friends and being quite ugly.
• There are vampires and werewolves.
• You are either on Team Jacob or Team Edward.

Well, today the Pack and I watched New Moon. And I didn't get it. Then I got it and then I got weirded out by Jacob's wig. Then he cut his hair and took off his shirt and I tried really, really hard not to notice that he spent the rest of the film pretty much shirtless. And then Randi tried to jump at the werewolves and I had to throw her out. Yeah, sure, I don't get why with all of the special effects they couldn't have gotten Jacob a better wig because it was horrific. Sure, I thought, geez, how can these kids spend so much time not kissing?? But mostly, I think I get it. I mean, what girl doesn't want two guys fighting over her and saying ridiculous things like, "The only thing that can hurt me is you."? You know what my version of this story is? A mythic creature that comes to life and starts to fix things around my house versus a mythic creature who spends all of his time cleaning up my yard. Both of who say ridiculous things to me in a raspy sexy voice like, "While you were at work, I fixed the garage door opener and the door will shut now," while the other one (wearing only board shorts) one ups him with, "I filled in all of the holes the dogs dug and poured you a concrete patio." Don't think I wouldn't spend a lot of time not kissing those guys. Because I would.