Papa

The Big Guy finally got to hold Baby Max (weighing in at a whopping 4lbs!) My mom said that the Big Guy says that Max can have whatever he wants. I'm in agreement. I'm sure there's gonna be a day when me and Maximus are at Target and we will not be in agreement and he will show his displeasure in a violent and embarrassing manner and I will respond in a manner that will not be my Best Moment, but right now- he can have whatever he wants because he is awesome.

In other news I have to go to the cardiologist. Today I went to my doctor for my pre-op EKG. The doctor said you don't have any heart problems right? And I said no, like when medical people ask could you be pregnant? And you say oh no, Unmarried Me? Are you implying that I'm a Filthy Whore? No. No way. Absolutely not. Well as it turns out I do have heart problems. My heart flutters. I knew this. When I got back from France I went to the doctor for it and I said, "Doctor, my heart flutters." And the doctor put me on a 24 hour heart monitor and then proceeded to tell me that I was full of shit and imagining things because nothing happened. Until today. When I needed my heart to be spectacular. It was not. It fluttered. And fluttered so gently that I didn't even notice but Mr. EKG did. (Fuck Mr. EKG.) Mr. EKG stripped me and my heart flutters naked and because of that I have to go to the cardiologist before they will officially give the green light to my surgery. And if they don't give the green light to my surgery I am going to break down into fit of tears that will be legendary. Because I can't take it any more. Because it's nice outside and I want to go for a fucking walk. Because one day me and Max need to go to Target, so he can be embarrassing and I can't do that if I can't stand up long enough to shop in Target.