From: Shelter Director
RE: Vagrants
It has come to my attention that there have been several unauthorized animals squatting in the Little and Big Backyards. These include, but are not limited to: two (2) gopher snakes, one (1) kangaroo rat, numerous (∞) mice, and Mr. Hawk. Three of the animals were met with an untimely death by electrocution due to their own stupidity and small body mass, but whose death shorted the electric fence thereby making Escape By Fence for the official members of the shelter possible. All members of the Saratoga Animal Shelter are reminded that the shelter is not accepting new members at this time and any vagrants should be reported immediately by incessant barking, so that they can be removed before they procreate. All members are also reminded to stay away from the electric fence, even if it appears that a vagrant has expired there. I also respectfully request that all official shelter inhabitants keep a lookout for Mr. Hawk who appears to be using the tree in the Little Backyard as a hunting ground for birds. Mr. Hawk should be reported immediately, so that I can figure out what he is eating or take his picture. I would like to take this moment to also remind you of the Shelter's No Licking Policy which prohibits the licking of anyone because it is annoying.
Thank you for your prompt attention to these delicate matters.
1 comment:
After reading this, there's no question that you have administrative capabilities ready to be put into action for the sake of our public schools. The "pack" will undoubtedly act on your requests in the same way a staff acts on administrative requests...NOT. Administrators feel better writing this stuff, we feel better laughing at it!
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