Facts

Facts from this year's Francophone Country Reports

 (alternately titled What the heck do you have to type into The Google to get these results?)

1. Voodoo is denomination of Protestant.
2. The most practiced religion in Rwanda is Roman Capitalism.
3. James Joyce is a famous Swiss man.
4. The official status of French in Switzerland is Swedish.
5. The most practiced religion in Vanuatu is Muslamic.

Winners

Sara's going to win the Mega Millions lottery, then we're going to purchase three large pieces of land and build houses for me and her and Jessica.  My house is going to have a doggie door and a sewing room.  Sara hasn't been that specific about her house details, but we have decided that our houses are going to be connected by a subterranean wine and Mountain Dew cellar.  Sara thinks that we're going to have some issues getting permits if our subterranean wine cellar goes underneath a road, but I think with all of our loads of money we'll just pay some people off at the town and it will be good.  In honor of my favorite blog The Enchanted Home, I have made my own Which Would You Choose for a subterranean wine cellar.

Choice 1

Chairs for us to sip wine, but too masculine I think.

Choice 2

Definitely subterranean.

Choice 3

Choice 4

I might incorporate this design into my sewing room.

Choice 5

The center would, of course, hold Jessica's Mountain Dew.

Choice 6

There Art Thou Happy?

Turns out with a little creative gerrymandering Mantua isn't so far away from Verona after all.

Excursions

Randi, Earl, my dad and I went on an excursion today to the vet.  My dad had to come here to Mantua to help me get Randi and Earl in the truck so that they could get their rabies shots, so that their licenses can be renewed, so that if they are arrested and subsequently incarcerated it will not cost me very much to get them out.  Also, my dad needed to pick up the oven-proof soup bowls I borrowed last night which must be made of gold since my mom didn't want me to take them.  I had told my dad that it was going to be a struggle to get them leashed up and in the truck for various reasons, but mostly because they are Bad.  At the vet, Randi and Earl and my dad and I had to sit off to the side to avoid Earl showing off his dying dinosaur impression every time a dog walked by.  They went in and got their shots without any ado and I am happy to report that Randi weighs 78lbs which is just perfect for her height.  (Earl weighs 80.)  Unfortunately they also have a bit of tartar and so the vet tech suggested I start to brush their teeth at home.  I'll get right on that.

Last night Randi and Earl were in fine form.  While Randi was (all four feet) on the table trying to eat up after dinner, Earl was in the kitchen knocking soup cooling in Tupperware on the floor.  Luckily it wasn't in the golden soup bowls or I'd probably have to put in a permanent address change here in Mantua.  I'm at a loss for what to do because it's not like I say, "Hey, Randi, how about you hop up on the table?"

Domestic Bliss

When I got out of the shower yesterday I found these two snuggled up in the bed like an old married couple.  Normally Clark is not so keen on sleeping this near Earl and needs me to be a human separator.  Earl had pulled the covers up over himself and Randi was sleeping at the foot of the bed like a good dog.

Morning Earl

Valentine's Day

Well, my imaginary boyfriend really hit today out of the park.  First, he got up at 4:30am and ground fresh coffee for me.  He also must have gone to school because when I got there this bear was waiting for me along with a big plate of breakfast nachos.

 

The gifts just kept coming all day long.  During third period I got some balloons.  There were so many ballons that when the kid came in with them, he almost floated away.  We had to hold him down while I tied the ballons to the back of my chair.

During fourth period I got a singing Valentine.  The kids from choir sang "I can't make you love me" and I thought, "Well you're sure giving it a good try!"  I don't know how he arranged that one.  Probably had his secretary arrange it while he was flying from Paris to Monacco.

These were delivered fifth period:

 The kids asked me who my ballons, nachos, flowers, gigantic teddy bear and singing Valentine gram were from and I just blushed and said my imaginary boyfriend.  But really, what my imaginary boyfriend did that was extraordinary was he had new windows and doors installed while I was at work and then he made a fabulous dinner of dinner nachos, which he had waiting for me along with a glass of wine.  I couldn't ask for a better imaginary boyfriend.  He's just perfect. 

Joshua Tree

Today Sara and I went to Joshua Tree National Park to do some hiking.  We invited Bill, but he was busy.  We were disappointed because we were hoping he'd use his Until the End of Time National Park Pass to get us in.  Since we didn't have him, we bought our own annual pass and now we can go back whenever we want.   Chaddie had let me borrow a book about hiking in the deserts of California and we had planned out several short and designated easy trails to do, but I misunderstood where we were entering the park and we ended up doing a hike called Lost Horse Mine recommended by the lady at the Visitor's Center.  The lady must have thought we looked like a couple of pretty sporty ladies because the trail was not easy.  Chaddie's book rated it as moderately strenuous.  In fact I was glad Sara had brought her hiking pole along.  I haven't bought my hiking poles yet because I didn't think I was anywhere near ready to be doing anything that would require hiking poles.  This trail proved otherwise.    I started walking up a hill and I didn't stop for two hours.  I surprised myself.  I don't want to sound like I am tooting my own horn, but I would just like to shout a huge "YEA ME!" because this trail was difficult.  It was two miles up and two miles back and difficult and I did it.  The trailhead said this hike would take 2-3 hours and Sara and I completed it in two and we stopped to take pictures.  It's because we're awesome.  I'm tired right now, but not in pain.  This was a very big step forward in my recovery.  After we came home and Jessica had dinner waiting for us.  Pretty awesome day indeedy.

See off to the right?  That's the trail and I went up it.

Yep, I walked from the BOTTOM of the picture and then some.

Burned tree

Not sure, but I liked it.

See where you can't even see the trail anymore?  Yep, I walked up that too.

The mine at the top.  I did not go to the very top to look down.  I had to draw the line somewhere.

Another tree.

Sara spotted this bird.  I know the picture's blurry, but it shows his bright color well.  

Skull rock.

Oasis.  .5 mile extra walk we did because that's how we roll.

Some kind of bird with a mohawk.

Close Calls

The old printer and new printer box just attacked and nearly killed Earl.  Only his lighting quick reflexes kept him from becoming garden fertilizer.  I'm assuming this means that he will be even more reluctant to come in here.

CSI: Bell Mountain

Today Sara and I went on a walk.  This is what we found:

Well, actually Sara saw it first.  We used our superior deduction skills and thorough knowledge of bones based on information gleaned from Bones, CSI and other like shows to decide that it wasn't human because it wasn't long enough and that it wasn't a child's because it was too fat.  It clearly was some kind of animal.  Then we used our superior thinking skills to devise a plan to go home, shower, put on our cutest workout clothes, the appropriate amount of workout make up, do our hair and then go back out and call the sheriffs out to investigate in the hopes that they would be hot available men.

The bones could have been Randi's because after dinner last night, Sara and Jessica saw her on the dining room table.  Voici our conversation:

Sara:  Oh my God Randi is on the table.
Me:  Uh?
Jessica:  Yes, she is on the table.
Me:  Two feet?
Them:  No all four feet.  All four.  Four feet on the table.

If I had seen her she surely would have been left in the desert.  I looked for paw prints on the table, but I didn't see any.  I don't really think Sara and Jessica were making it up, but they are the only witnesses who use words.

Swollen

I had to leave work today at lunch due to an over abundance of moistures that would not stop exiting my nose and eyes no matter how many comforting words Gretchen said to me.  This was related to the over abundance of snot that ended up in my hair last night.  I used my time curled up on the couch with Clark licking my face for comfort to catch up on the new season of the Real Housewives of Orange County.  

Life Lessons from the Real Housewives of Orange County:

• A bracelet with a key will fix a relationship.  (Note to self:  purchase a bracelet with key.)
• I clearly don't have enough plastic surgery to make it on the show.
• Nor do I have enough hair.
• Wine solves problems.
• At the risk of sounding conceited and elitist, I think I'm much too smart to be on the Real Housewives of Orange County.  I mean, I do know my home phone number.

I am very concerned that I am going to settle on being a Real Housewife of Atlanta; which comes with its own concerns.   On the plus side, I'm pretty sure I have my gay friend already lined up.

Speaking of which, my snot filled afternoon on the couch led me to what could be my new favorite TV show: RuPaul's Drag Race.  I only watched snippets, but it was fierce.

In other random news:

My new replacement laptop arrived today.  I was too concerned with snot to even bring it home and see what Lion OS has to offer me.

Before the snot cameth forth, I led fourth period all the way to other side of campus to the computer lab.  When we left my room I said, "Nobody should get there after me because I am slow."  And the final results of the fourth period race to the computer lab were:  I kicked pretty much everyone's ass including three kids on the track team.  I was so fast some kids accused me of getting a ride.  I said, "You guys are escargots on crutches and let an invalid beat you.  You are losers."  Yep, I did.  I told the kids they were losers.  Because I kicked their butts.  Really.  Who walks slower than someone recovering from back surgery?  High school students.  Unless they're going towards free food.  I probably wouldn't have beat them then.  I did tell them that I was going to log it in my miles, but I forgot to turn on the gps tracker.  Due to my incredible win, I have made it a multiple choice test question on the interro demain:  Qui est la plus rapide dans la classe de Français?:  1.  Mlle Thompson 2.  Mlle Thompson 3.  Mlle Thompson.  And since we're doing it in Google Docs-- it's a required field.