The Geriatrics

The Geriatrics are driving me damn insane.  I'm trying not to be too annoyed by their antics because they are Geriatrics, but I'm having difficulties.

First, the Geriatrics have to get up every two or three hours in the middle of the night to go outside.  Last night we were up at 10:30, 1:30 and 4:30 exactly.  I should be very happy that the Geriatrics are still cognizant enough to realize that they need to go outside and still have the where-with-all to pace in the hallway making clickity clack sounds until I wake, but the Geriatrics still have to get up every two hours to go outside in the middle of the night.  Most of the time the Geriatrics get lost, or distracted, or decide to bark at nothing while they are outside in the middle of the night.  It's so bad that when I let them out, I lay down on the couch and take a mini-nap while I wait for them to finish their business.  Last night, Shila was so distracted or lost that I had to go out and get here twice.  Going to get her consists of getting the flashlight, then walking on the desk, then flashing the flashlight at her and screaming in a whisper, "Shila!  Shila!  Let's go!  Get. In. Side."  You might ask why I don't just leave them outside.  I don't leave them outside because if I do, then they just bark at nothing which makes me want to shoot myself with the guns I don't have in my gun closet.

Second, the Geriatrics have some issues falling off the bed.  Well, Shila doesn't actually get on the bed, but she's had some issues with thinking that she can sleep in my room, so while I'm grabbing Clark by his collar to keep him from walking off the side of the bed, I'm also screaming, "Shila!  Get. UP. And. Go. In. The. Other. Room.  Shila!"

Today I called the vet to make an appointment for Clark who has the longest toenails known to man and the lady said that Randi was due for an exam.  I said, "No.  She's fine.  She doesn't need to come in.  They're just going to say she needs to lose weight and we're trying!  We're trying dammit!"