Mob Boss

Yesterday, after a wine induced reflection period, I have come to the conclusion that Earl is really a mob boss. My argument is three part and based largely on media images of mob bosses and more than a little influence from the movie Eastern Promises which I watched yesterday. (Movie not recommended, but it had Vincent Cassell and I kinda like him, plus I didn't have anything better to watch. ) My argument is such:

1. Mob bosses are friendly on the exterior; they make you think that they're the good guy until you get too close or threaten their business and then they hack off your arms. This is by far the most compelling of my argument. On the exterior Earl seems friendly and "calm," but I've seen him attack Randi, Clark and Sarah. He hovers around the dog food , so that they don't want to eat when he is outside. Several times I have returned home and Clark has cowered in the corner-due to what I believe has been some kind of violence. Additionally Earl always tries to take the bones via intimidation tactics. Earl's business? Not sure, he could be dabbling in the medicinal marijuana trade.

2. Mob bosses always have a dim-witted family member whom they are trying to protect.
Randi.

3. Mob bosses like to eat. Earl ate an entire can of Parmesan cheese as well as several sticks of butter and more recently has been snagging mini-jars of Ken's Lite Creamy Cesar dressing whenever he sees the opportunity.

Family Photos

First, Sarah refuses to sit for the portrait.

Then Clark refuses.
(Notice how Randi is looking at Sarah. She hates that. That's her "I'm about to start barking my head off look.")

After only 20 minutes I managed to get one shot with everyone's body in it though no one looked particularly photogenic.

Chienne de ménage

The pre-wash cycle.

Wiley Mice

Number of mouse traps set out: 2
Number of mice caught: 0
Number of mice I watch run over, around or through the mouse traps last night: 4

Perimeter Check

A perimeter check of the Saratoga Animal Shelter is conducted daily by General Sarah McWarah and Private First Class Puppy Clark upon their immediate exit from the residence building. The primary objective of the perimeter check is to establish any changes to the perimeter that may have occurred during the cloak of darkness and for PFC Puppy Clark to pee on everything. General McWarah walks along the perimeter of the yard with PFC Clark following and investigates the fence, the chicken wire wired to the fence and the electric wire at the bottom of the fence. General Sarah McWarah performs this duty fastidiously with an attention to detail, which in her younger years used to amount to her escaping with PFC Puppy Clark on her tail. The integrity of perimeter check can be hindered by one of the following:

1. Randi and Earl staring and General Sarah McWarah-thereby breaking her concentration and pissing her off until she barks.
2. Inclement weather.
3. General Sarah McWarah forgetting since she is old. If she forgets the General often does a second perimeter check in the afternoon. Occasionally, a second perimeter check is required even if the General has not forgotten the morning perimeter check.

Safety never takes a holiday.

Meet Up

Ami suggested that I go to meetup.com to see what kind of activities I could do in Apple Valley because in Charlotte, NC there are all kinds of things to do.

I don't know how I will find time in my calendar for the activities listed there. But it does explain a lot about the people protesting on the corners.

Apple Valley

I love Apple Valley. I like the weather. I like the desert. I like being two hours from everything. I love the view of the mountains from my back yard. What I don't particularly like is the right-wing fringe that lives here. (The Saratoga Animal Shelter tries to stay politically neutral, though Earl is lobbying pretty hard for legalizing marijuana.) Last September a group of somebody started protesting on the corners of Apple Valley and Bear Valley Roads on Mondays. It was my favorite part of Monday-driving to the college and seeing the protesters and their crazy signs. I am all for freedom of speech and I respect these guys for getting out and doing something about what they believe, but I really particularly respect intelligent protesters and these guys....Well one day a guy had a sign that said "We deserve a well knolegeable president." And apparently spell check for posters. There was a guy in a wheelchair who held a sign that said "Obamacare makes me sick." Did that put him in the wheelchair? Yesterday they had signs that said "Vote everyone out!" That's great. I believe in the democratic process, but our Congressman is Representative Jerry Lewis. (Yes, Jerrry Lewis.) And he's a republican. I've met Jerry Lewis and his dogs in his congressional office when I went to lobby for language education. He told me that languages just aren't that important and he couldn't support legislation for language education. He said that, even after 911. Our state representatives are also republican. I clearly understood from the signs that Obama has gots to go, but the people who directly represent us and only us are republican, so I'm confused who these people think they are influencing.

Then I saw a van with this sticker on it.
I know I'm stereotyping here, but I do teach French in a mostly Republican region and I get a lot of the 'fuck France' type statements mostly from the right wing fringe who believe that well, France is all a bunch of fuckers. Often these people are very religious. So I just assumed that the guy in the van is a conservative of the 'fuck France' wing. (This particular van did honk on it's way past the protesters.) Maybe it's not true. I don't know. But in any case, this is printed on the French flag. You might see American colors, but the order is French: Bleu, Blanc, Rouge. I like the irony. I'd love to have this guy tell me fuck France because then I could point out that he drives around with the French flag on his van. Details people. Details.

EDub does yoga. Or something.

Conundrum

The Lady Antebellum concert is on a Thursday. This poses a problem because I teach my college class on Thursday. So cancel class you say. That would be great, except I may have to cancel class on that Tuesday so I can attend an After School and English Language Learners symposium. The choice then comes to this- would I rather sit through 6 hours of After School and English Language Learners or Lady Antebellum. If I can find someone to go with me to the concert, I'm choosing the concert! Class canceled.

I bought Outside magazine today because it has an article about a 13 year old kid who is going to climb Mount Everest this season. He would be the youngest to do all Seven Summits. Chaddie actually met this kid's folks at a party in Big Bear. (You're thinking the exact same thing as me, why didn't Chaddie invite me to Big Bear on that evening?) Crazy. What's really insane is that I know the stories of all the high altitude climbers mentioned in the article. Also there's a picture of the kid at Bootleg Canyon, which is a mountain bike playground outside of Vegas. I've been there twice-once with Bill (retired Bill- not dead gopher Bill) while we were waiting for Chad and Kent to finish the 12 hour team mountain bike race and then once with Josh, where we had a unspecified, but easily $200 bar tab, but the bartender liked us so much he just comped the whole thing. Both times I did not ride that much because Bootleg Canyon is freaking ridiculous. The easy trail is called Girl Scouts. Girly my ass. It's stinking hard. But quite pretty. This is a picture of where we walked because riding would have been too hard. Chad said this kid's "a pretty good downhiller." Whatever. He's 13 and not worried about breaking a nail. (Note, it's not the rocks, the exposure or the decline that make this particular section difficult- it's the sharp right hand switchback as you go down the decline, over rocks on an exposed portion of the mountain.)



New habitants at the Saratoga Animal Shelter:

OMG

My new favorite band Lady Antebellum is having a concert on my birthday!

And the Stagecoach festival is the following week!?

This could be the best birthday ever.

5:12 Update

I'm not sure it was at 5:12 PM on Monday, but I did make Evan break open one of the duck eggs before I threw them away. It went like this: Me: Evan you have to crack one of these eggs to make sure there is not a half formed duck in them before we throw them away. Evan: Ok Bethany. He did and as it turned out, it was just an egg. And PDub and EDub are back to being happy and harmonious.

I had a few people over on Monday. Word problem- this afternoon I tossed out 7 empty bottles of wine which is one more than the number of people at my house. While at the house, Sara said she knew who Earl was without me even telling her because he came to the door and was looking stoned already. And we hadn't even opened the third bottle of wine at that point. People think I'm exaggerating, but that dog is high sometimes.

Additionally, Randi discovered a new route to enter the house: She tore the screen on my bedroom window and just hopped through. Convenient for her, but now I have to get a new screen. Today she and Earl escaped when I didn't close the front gate properly. Luckily, the truck was open and they just wanted to get in the truck to go for a ride. Otherwise I would have spent all afternoon chasing their asses around the neighborhood. On neither occasion did I hit Randi and Earl. One of my students did her whole exposé (two minutes talking in French on any subject) about how I talk about hitting Randi and Earl and the next time I said I hit them she was going to téléphoner à la police. (I do say I hit Randi and Earl. I also say that if they don't turn in their work they are going to the Guillotine, neither of which is very truthful and they know it.) Then she said (in French) "and I ask you Mademoiselle, what would you do if the police came to your house?" I said, "I'd call you to come and get Randi and Earl, duh." I also told that class if they didn't bring back their books I was going to take their first born child. Today said élève and myself decided this would probably not work out so great because Randi and Earl would probably eat the baby. Luckily, all the students brought their books back, so I am still childless.

I bought the ducks a new pool today because their old one has a hole it in. It's exactly the same, but green. I wanted to buy them this pool. (The dogs and guy were not on sale at WalMart-it was the only picture I could find.) This pool has a SLIDE! I could just imagine PDub and EDub jumping around. Then I imagined me digging a bigger hole so this would fit in and I said, the other pool is just fine.
Also, I've not seen any mice lately. This does not mean that they are gone forever. It means they are likely getting it on and making more mice to make me scream.

Abandonment

As of this morning, EDub has given up on her eggs. She got off of the nest sometime in the middle of the night and is not looking back. She's back to being PDub's buddy, taking long swims in the pool and chillin' underneath the patio table. She shows no sign of taking up her post again. I've schedule a "Removing the Rotten Eggs Ceremony" at 5:12 this evening. I'll have had sufficient wine by then not to care that I'm throwing away the eggs.

Mean Momma

I got home today and EDub had thrown three of her eggs out of the nest!
At first I thought maybe PDub had decided to lay some eggs right next to EDub, but these ones had numbers, so I knew they were part of the original 13. I picked them up to throw them away thinking if she doesn't even want them then I shouldn't be concerned, but then I shook them and it seemed like there was something a little bit harder in there than an egg yolk. Concerned my ducklings might just be late hatchers, I picked EDub up and put the eggs back underneath her. Maybe she knows that they're not going to hatch. In any case, I'm reluctant so throw them away just yet.

Crazy

EDub eats her way around her nest. She is obviously insane. What will she do next week when I remove her rotten eggs?

Disneyland

With all of the birds, mice and other various creatures, I feel like fucking Cinderella.  I keep waiting for the mice to bust into song "Cinderelly, Cinderelly, night and day it's Cinderelly."  I with they'd get to work and make me a dress and/or find my Prince Charming.  That would be useful.

Mouseketeering

The mouse situation outside has gotten out of control. Last night I walked outside and I saw 5 (five) mice. All in different areas of the yard. Two by the ghetto retainer wall. Two by the house wall and one by the half dead tree. Operation Get Someone Else to Get the Mice is going to go into over time today.

I'm concerned though because I don't want PDub to get stuck to a mouse trap. This, I think, means that I will have to be outside while I wait for the mice. Which would then imply that I would be there for the moment that the mice get stuck in the trap; an event I like even less than having mice.

You might ask why I don't just get a cat.  This would be a super idea except a cat would kill me.  Literally.  Within five minutes of being around a cat I normally require a trip to the emergency room for a breathing treatment.  I would rather chain smoke 6 packs of cigarettes or work in a smokey bar for the rest of my life than live with a cat.  They are like a heliomonster- the most deadliest animal alive.  Provided I could get an outside cat that would not get eaten by the Pack, I would probably at sometime have to go near it.  What I need is for Earl to get back his interest in mice.

My previous posts about mice.

Gluttony

EDub has taken to eating the leaves on the bush around her. Now she doesn't have to get up ever.