Making It Happen

  Because I'm the best aunt in the world.

Also, the doctor says I can start swimming and physical therapy- as soon as my referral is approved.  I'm going to hold my breath that it will be in the year 2011.

Sports Injury

What had happened was, I went to my parents' yesterday after I went to work, sorted laundry and took a mini-nap on the couch so that I could watch Max for a moment while they did some shopping and finished putting stuff away in the motor home.  Since I needed to take a walk me and Max decided we would go for a walk.  Unsure of what the baby might need on a walk, I gave him the two wrist rattles my mom has for him, only I didn't put them on his wrists.  Those of you familiar with the wrist rattles will know that they attach to the wrists via a velco mechanism that turns out is rather sharp along its edges.  Max and I happily set off on our walk, where he spent most of the time blowing bubbles and playing with the non-attached wrist rattles.  About halfway through our walk, I looked down and noticed that the baby now had a scratch on his nose.  I said, "Oh Max, oh Max.  Grandma is never going to let us take a walk alone again!" to which he replied, "(laughs, giggles, smilles)"  When we got back to my parents' I took him in to my dad and whispered, "He suffered an injury!"  Overall, I think Max was more concerned that my mom said she was going to go shopping and not by him anything than his wrist rattle injury.

The Pumpkin Patch

I have been telling Max for months now about how we were going to go to the Pumpkin Patch by my house.  Today was the perfect day because since I had to be at a boring meeting in Riverside at 8:30, I didn't have to get up at 4:45 and slept in until 6:00 and also since I had to be in a boring meeting I wasn't worn out by 11:00am.  So after I got my nails done I went to my parents' to get the little guy.

I was afraid that I was really the one who was going to have all of the fun at the Pumpkin Patch and that pretty much all Max would do would be to scream his head off for as long as we could stand it, but I was determined.  So my dad loaded us up into his truck (because it was quite clear that me going to the Pumpkin Patch alone with Max would be a Disaster, since I am still unable to carry the baby in his car seat.  I even tried to lift him in the car seat and that was a big bust.)  I'm pretty sure that I was infinitely more excited than Max about going to the Pumpkin Patch, but he loved it!  He loved walking up and down the rows of pumpkins.  He loved looking at the kids.  He loved sitting in the dirt (don't tell my mom.)  He didn't love being in the car on the ride home and luckily me and my dad had photographic proof that he was happy at the Pumpkin Patch so my mom didn't think we had tortured him.

As an aside, though we were admitted into the Pumpkin Patch, it appeared that me, my dad and Max were all several tattoos short of the average patron.

Afterwards Max's sleeper and I had a rematch and I kicked its freaking ass.

How We Roll

 I wasn't teaching today, because I went to an iPad deployment workshop, where I learned that if the district has that much money laying around, I'm going to be pissed off, but where I hedged my bets by throwing my name out there to pilot any possible iPad deployment that might be planned.  And where I found the lastest technology that I need: Apple TV.  Not because I want TV.  Not because I want Netflix.  But because I want to be able to wireless hook up the iPad to the projector so I can use cool apps like la SNCF et Bordas Conjugaisons and write on my Keynotes without using the clunky Interwrite Pad.   I took advantage of the morning before the workshop to get some much needed paperwork done.

 I took a picture of my impromptu workstation where I have one electronic device for each one of my jobs:

And because Gretchen does a thousand things as well, so does she.

I left school early at 3:30 (!) and went to see this guy.  I took a tour of the Big Guy's new motor home and then fed Max.  And because I fed Max, then I had to change his clothes, at which point I looked at his sleeper then at Max and I said, "Oh Max, oh Max... this isn't going to end well."  And it didn't.  It ended in tears.  How the heck are you supposed to get those things on easily?  I'm sure I don't know.

Lies We Tell Ourselves

I don't often do fashion show in the morning because I hate fashion show and I usually don't care that much about what I'm wearing, but this morning I was having some difficulty picking out a shirt.  I finally found one, but when I got to school Gretchen came in and said, "Wear this shirt!" and handed me the fluorescent orange Cross Country t-shirt.  I look like a fat guy in a a little suit.  But it got me thinking that since I was wearing a Cross Country t-shirt that some people might think that I'm a cross country runner, so I tried to convince third period that I am a marathon runner.   Some of the kids were willing to play along and someone said, "Ms. Thompson, do you run?"  And I said, "Why yes, I ran four marathons last year."  Then another kid laughed and I reminded him that I'm the one who gives the grades.  I can imagine his skepticism, since I had just finished telling them that if they needed my help they were going to have to come to me because I had already worn myself out in second period.  In fourth period we had "The Great California Shakeout" drill which for you non-teachers is when you have to take all your students outside in the hot sun and they whine for 45 minutes and you lose an entire period.  I designated one young man my official chair porter because I knew I was going to need a chair.  While I was sitting grading papers and ignoring the whines on any number of subjects by various sophomores some girls came up to me and said, "Are you a runner?" I replied, "OF course, I am, I'm wearing this shirt."  They asked me for some advice and I told them to get some Vibram Five Fingers.

I might not be an actual runner, but I would consider myself a veritable expert on the Vibram Five Fingers Barefoot Running due largely in part to the weekend I spent in Palm Springs with Drunkass Bill and his college Cross Country buddies who talked NON-STOP for four consecutive days about the advantages of the Vibram Five Fingers.  I know so much about the shoe and barefoot running, you'd think I was fucking Tarahumara.


In other news, I still haven't seen my damn duck out and about in weeks, but I think I know what happened.  I think this bitch realized that she fucked up.  I think she realized that she laid all of her eggs before she made a nest and she is determined to not make the same mistake this time.  She told herself, I might have missed that last cycle, but fuck my life if I'm not going to have a nest ready for this next batch of eggs.  So I think she's made her nest in preparation of her next laying cycle, not realizing that it's actually several weeks away.  I hope she has the stamina to keep it up, because if she gets off the nest and then starts laying.....

Lineage

I think Randi and Earl's parents live two streets over.  I saw two dogs:  one brindel colored and another some kind of mutt running amok in a yard.  I may stop for a closer look the next time over then and then orchestrate some kind of biological parents reunion.

As an aside, the neighbor's dogs were running amok in my yard when I got home, causing Randi and Earl to be extreme assholes and attack each other, which then caused Puppy Clark to first start shaking like a leaf and then hide underneath the table.

Scoreboard

School 1
Me       0

Essential Question

I've not been doing a whole lot this afternoon, but reading and watching Earl chew on his feet, then his legs, then his belly, then clean his belly, legs and feet then passing out for a quick nap before repeating.  This led me to question whether or not Earl could actually be some kind of cat.

Characteristics that make me think Earl could be some kind of cat:

• he spends a lot of time cleaning himself
• he's partial to dairy products
• his tail looks like a cat's
• he looks like a hyena
• his cry is decidedly not dog like

Characteristics that make me think Earl is just a dog:

• his sister, Randi, is clearly a dog
• his license says dog
• he doesn't like cats
• he couldn't care less about birds
• he's got a deep bark

Unable to determine Earl's cat or dogness from this list, I Googled "Could my dog be a cat," "Can dogs be part cat" and "Do cats smoke pot" because while Sara said her cat, Scout, doesn't smoke pot, she wasn't sure about other cats.  Google did not return any type of useful information on this question.  I am back to I am going to need to collect a dna swab from Earl to determine what the heck he is.

Charm School

I had my thank you party last night.  Unfortunately, there were quite a few people who couldn't come, including Max, who was too tired and fussy to make the drive.  I'm left with copious amounts of food and alcohol to drink up in the next couple of days.  That will surely use up all of my extra weekly points for Weight Watchers.  Despite the small crowd we still had a nice time.

The best part of my party was that Sara and Jessica bought me the DVD for the Barbie Princess Charm School.  This happened because one evening when I may or may not have had copious amounts of alcohol,  I was watching TV and saw the commercial for the Barbie Princess Charm school, which I then told Sara I wanted to attend thinking it might help me achieve my goal of becoming a Real Housewife of _____.  (Jessica says that my dumb duck who is still sitting on a nest of no eggs, disqualifies me from becoming a Real Housewife, but I think it just makes me eccentric.)  I'm pretty excited to go to Barbie Princess Charm School because I think I might learn something there.  I'll watch it the next time Max is over because he can probably learn something as well.

Backbraceless Update

After being backbraceless for two days in a row, I can report that I am stinking tired.  Worn out.  Wondering how I'm going to make it through work on Monday.  Yesterday my dad and I went shopping for my party today.  He said, "Well, if you're tired, why don't you wear the brace?"  And I said, "No, Dad.  The doctor said I didn't have to so I'm not going to goddammit."  Even if it means I get to do 1/2 of the things I could do before.

Today I have a plan and the plan is this:  do something for the party, rest on the couch and grade papers, repeat.

Live Updating is Boring

Or perhaps I need to do something more exciting.

After a brief (two hour) rest period on the couch, I rallied to spend several hours making my screencasts due to the fact that it seems like a simple project making a screencast, but in fact recording yourself and not sounding like a) a complete asshole b) an incompetent asshole c) an idiot asshole is pretty flipping difficult.  So freaking four hours later I've finally got, what I think could be, usable screencasts.

Overall, being backbraceless was as difficult as I thought it might be, but I am still excited to be without it.
Yea me!!

On the Couch

I'll continue my first day backbrace less once the haze of painkillers wears off.

In line at Walmart

The backpacker magazine seems out of place given the clientele. In hindsight I probably should have arranged for someone to accompany me.
Next challenge: getting home

Live Update 1

Just finished my first walk without the backbrace.  I only walked 1.81 miles because I wasn't sure how I'd do.  The most difficult part of the walk was two chihuahuas who were following me for 1/2 a block decided to get ridiculous once we got to their house and they started making like they were going to attack me.  I said, back the fuck away chihuahuas and Randi and Earl backed me up from down the street and the chihuahuas went back in their yard.  Crisis averted.

Next challenge:  Walmart

Freedom!- Live Blog Event (Developing)

My first day backbraceless started out with a wake up call from Gretchen in which she called me a lazy mother fucker for still being asleep at what she claimed was 8:00, but was really only 7:52.  What the heck is the point of vacation if you can't sleep in?  In fact, I did wake up at 5:45, but couldn't come up with a legitimate reason to get out of bed so I went back to sleep with the tea cup poodle cuddled up next to me.

I'm so excited about my first full day without my backbrace that I'm going to live blog this event!  I think it means when I go to Walmart I can post live updates.  I'm planning on going for a walk today, but I think it won't be near as far as yesterday since I'm now sans corset.  I've been doing things around here without out it for about a week and the truth is, yesterday after I sewed, I had to lay on the couch for an hour. We'll see how much I can actually do.

Today's overzealous list of things I want to get done:

• go for a walk
• make a screencast of how to get into Google Docs, Edmodo and Quia (these will be riveting)
• go to Walmart
• go to the bank
• make chili
• baste Max's quilt
• send iMessages instead of text messages to all my cool friends (though I'm not sure why I wouldn't just send a text message if I have unlimited text messaging, but all the tech blogs assure me I want to send an iMessage so an iMessage iWill send.)
• buy more toys for Max
• put away my laundry

Body Image Issues

Earl thinks he's the size of a tea cup poodle.  It's become an issue.

Rematch

Yesterday when Max got here, I looked him straight in the eye and I said fiercely, "Look here 5 month old baby, you are not going to kick my ass this week."  We were in a death match challenge for 15 seconds and then he smiled at me and I capitulated and said, "Ok you can do whatever you want."  But he didn't kick my ass because he knows that my house is the most great fun.  We got caught up on all of my favorite TV shows, which made me a little worried about what age I have to stop watching CSI, CSI: New York, Blue Bloods and other inappropriate shows in front of the baby.  Probably at the same age when I have to stop swearing.

System Failure

Early this morning, Randi suffered a system failure when the power source to her sleep was unexpectedly shut off and the power source to annoying surged to a dangerous level.  She jumped over me, out of bed and proceed to yip and growl, then ran out the living room, then back in where she tried to get Earl and me to play with her.  We did the only thing we could.  I blew in her face (which she hates) and Earl hit her on the head with his paw.  Then we went back to sleep.

Wednesday

Gretchen was out today, so I used the opportunity to impart some sage wisdom to her classes via the inspirational quote board.  I chose this quote because I didn't think "Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the mouth" was appropriate for high school.  Some kid erased "job" and wrote "fight," but spelled it wrong, so I rewrote my original quote.  Yes, I make my capital "F"s backwards.  Fucking get over it.

Jessica came over while I was at my second job and got dinner started.  She let The Pack in and they dutifully posed for a picture while she was making soup.   She says that they were good, but I think  she must be lying because I have, in fact, spent time with this bunch.  The highlight of the evening was Randi getting her head stuck in the sleeve of Jessica's sweatshirt, then walking around and then Sara helping pull her out.  I never said I had the smartest group of mutts on the street.

Charlie's Fucking Angels

International iTunes

Reasons I am excited about the rumor that iTunes will become truly International.

1.  I can buy Christophe Maé's and Garou's albums.
2.  I can download the I Am Reacher app that is currently only available in the UK iTunes store.  I already tried changing the store, but iTunes is too smart for me.

There is a UK Jack Reacher site.  Click on the movie and you can see CGI faceless Jack Reacher punching people in the face and being a man whore.

Also, the Sexy Chicken may be the fucking funniest thing I've ever seen.  @nytchicken

The Affair eBook Review

Everyone knows how much I loves me some Jack Reacher and in this book Jack Reacher did not disappoint.  It's 1997.  Jack Reacher is an employed Army MP and pre-ATM card, pre-foldable toothbrush and pre-expired passport.  In fact, this is the story about how he ends up unemployed with a foldable toothbrush, ATM and expired passport. Major Reacher is sent to Mississippi to investigate the murder of a white woman.  It's pretty typical from there on.  He drinks buckets of coffee.  He's a man whore and he shoots some people in the head.    But it's when Jack Reacher says things like, "Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the mouth"  that I think, man I love this guy.  And in all honesty, sometimes I'm up at night thinking, if Jack Reacher showed up on Saratoga Road, would I let him be a man whore with me?  I think the answer might depend on who he shot in the head and how long ago he had purchased new clothes.  Overall, a very good read and there was one instant where I thought I might lose all respect for Jack Reacher if he had done what I really wanted him to do.  But he didn't.  Because he wasn't 100% certain of the truth.  Because in addition to good coffee, Jack Reacher believes in doing the Right Thing.

A Baby in a Chair

Yesterday Max came over and pretty much kicked my ass.  I feel like I got hit by a train this morning; like I'm not sure I can go for a walk because I'm so tired.  My parents dropped him off at noon with three bags because I was too tired to go get any toys for him on Friday and, let's face it, too tired to go get toys for him today as well.  (I've got to choose grocery shopping or toys for Max and I think it's going to be grocery shopping today.)  Buy boy did we have some great fun!  We were going to have even more great fun and go for a long walk, but as it turned out I was so exhausted from all our great fun we had to just go on a short walk.  (And for the record, great fun was pretty much him sitting in his chair or on the floor with his toys or screaming.)  Luckily, my sister got here about 5:00 and took over getting up and down with him, while I took over laying on the couch.  I can't wait until he comes back!

Me and Max

Baby in a Chair!

Max aime Max.

Spooning

Ghetto Collars

You may have noticed The Pack wearing "strings" on their collars.  This is my new anti-arrestation device that I created when I got tired of their ID tags coming off every damn day during one of the numerous wrestling or humping matches around here.  Instead, now I take a piece of fabric and a sharpie and write the dog's name on it and my phone number and tie it around their choke chains.   Then when they lose it I just make another one.  The hardest part is getting them to sit still long enough for me to put it around them.

Brillant, I know.

Ghetto

Irrational Fears

By definition, irrational fears can take hold at any moment, without warning or reason which is what happened here at 5:30 this morning when Earl was once again overcome with an irrational fear of my bedroom and wouldn't come in after just having vacated the room only five minutes previous to go outside.  The rest of us were sleeping somewhat soundly when Earl's hallway tap dance and crying woke us up.

I'm supposed to have a date with one Maximus today, but I think it's going to get cancelled.  I'm so bummed!

Irrational Fear keeps Earl from entering the room.

First tentative steps trying to triumph over the Irrational Fear.

  

Successfully having entered the room.

Infinite Mishief

Family Photo earlier this week.