Child Birth

So...I went to my appointment with Dr. Park, who wins the "Office Most like a Beverly Hills Plastic Surgery Center in the High Desert" award. Dr. Park was very nice, but since I've had to explain to about ten different doctors my problems, I've fallen down on the job and forgot crucial elements of the "I am stinking miserable please help me" story. (MRI, the fact that I took Gabarpentin, etc.) Anyhoos, after pushing on my spine, butt (yeah, that's right, if it hadn't have hurt, I might have like it), and hip he said, "Let me tell you what's wrong with you." I said, "Please, finally can someone tell me..." And Dr. Park had his script, which, as a 35 year old female involved me having some babies. He said, "And so when you had kids..." I said, "I don't have kids." You could literally see his brain come to a full stop and try to process this information and work it into his script. "Have you ever been pregnant?" I said, "No." Again, you could see his brain working this information, then he recovered to tell me that I need five shots. Three in my spine, one in my hip and one in my buttocks to relieve the muscle that is not happy. I left with some samples of Lyrica, which my mother tells me I can not drink and take. "Not at all, at all," is what she said. So I've not taken any Lyrica, because I'm not ready to give up wine for medicine that I'm feeling less than optimistic about.

All of which brings us to today and me. I hurt. I hurt a lot. And yesterday I hurt. If I could have stayed in bed with Earl acting as my heat pad all day I would have. I could hardly stand up to take a shower. And so I walked around all today obviously miserable based on the number of comments from people who saw me walking around. I sat and had kids pass me papers that were two steps away. I stayed in offices long past my welcome just because I didn't want to get up. Which brought me to Alice, Debbie and Peggy (PDub's namesake who will be jumping off the unemployed list back to the employed list as of next week.) I told Peg about my aliments and my non-child birthing problem. I said, "Could I have had kids and not known about it?! How many kids do I have?" Alice pointed out that they could be in my classes. I am overwhelmed by this possibilty.

This could be the biggest tragedy in my life so far. I have a condition caused in part by child birth YET, I have no children. I have no one to do the dishes, or pick up in the yard or take care of me when I'm drooling. My mom missed out on making baby clothes. And as Peg pointed out, I don't even remember the sex that got me the kids. (For the record, it was surely the best sex ever.)

This child birthing business has been all pain and no gain for me. Starting tomorrow I am going to start looking for my children. (That is, after the Grand Opening and Ribbon Cutting Ceremony of the F-3 Computer Lab at 2:10 pm with Prizes. No Food or Drink-It's a Lab.)