Conversations I imagined I had today

Sarah: I'm sorry I peed on the floor.
Me: I know.
Sarah: And that I missed the new Deluxe Piddle Pad you put out for me to pee on.
Me: I know, you're Old Girl.
Sarah: Maybe you could start leaving the light on for me so I can see the Deluxe Piddle Pad.
Me: Ok.
Sarah: Also, I think I had an accident in the bedroom.
Me: Sigh, I know.

PDub and EDub: If you get the ladder, we'll just climb up and figure out what's wrong with the swamp cooler. Not like we're doing anything else.
Me: Great idea guys!

Earl: More Bridezillas? Really? Can't we watch something else?
Me: There's nothing else on.
Earl: But we've been watching it for five hours. It's making me feel jaded and depressed.
Me: I'll turn it off when I'm done planning.
Earl: Maybe you should learn to plan without watching this nonsense.
Me: Maybe you should learn French and how to type.
Earl: Um, I've got, uh, something to do outside. Door open, please.
(later)
Earl: Teeheehee, dude, Bridezillas is the best show, like, ever. I'm sooo thirsty.

Me: How should I introduce the -ir verbes because I'm having a complete lack of imagination.
Randi: Which ones?
Me: finir, grossir, maigrir, etc.
Randi: Oh, no idea. I was thinking about partir, dormir, servir and sortir. I had a bitchin' idea for those ones.

Me: Clark, what are you doing?
Clark: I put myself to bed because I couldn't watch any more Bridezillas and you told me to go away.
Me: Because licking me while I'm trying to do sit-ups is annoying as hell. You know I hate that.
Clark: Well, also, I'm tired.

Randi: Yes, uh, excuse me-I think I may have sliced my tongue licking the cheese off of the cheese grater in the dishwasher.