Open letter to the Obamas

Dear Obama Family,
I understand that you are looking for a puppy. It is all over the news, of course. I have two puppies and I would like to explain why they would be perfect for your family and this great country. First, the puppies are named Randi and Earl. They are brother and sister and must go together. Families need to stick together-sense of family is one of the values of this great country. I don't know what kind of dogs they are. They have come from the canine melting pot, just like many Americains. NPR has been talking a lot about "moxi" the ability to survive in hard times. Randi and Earl have moxi. I don't know how long they survived on their own before they showed up at my house, but based on their look it was quite a while. Randi and Earl persevered, like the Pilgrims, like the Pioneers they set out for unknown lands not knowing what was waiting for them, but they made it work. Additionally, as America was founded by hard-workers, Randi and Earl are very hard workers. They certainly believe in staying busy and are constantly working and finding different projects. Currently, they are working on a moat around my pool.

You can see how Randi and Earl espouse the values of America, but they are also a good choice for your family. They are potty trained. As a taxpayer and in this time of economic uncertainty, I don't think it is appropriate to be spending money on new carpet or the Little Green Machine to clean up after puppy accidents. On NPR (again) there was a man who said that your choice in puppy should be active and able to take a lot of movement and activity. This is Randi and Earl. They are very active and most happy when there is lots of movement and things to do. But, they can also entertain themselves if they need to. They like to wrestle and play. They like to go places and love to ride in the car. (Just make sure you put on the child lock for the windows. Randi is very smart.) I've taught them some French, so they are multilingual. (I understand this makes them unlike most Americains, but we are looking for change.) They know phrases like "oh mon dieu!" and "un, deux, trois aller!" Also, there are two of them and since you have two girls you will not want them to have to fight over the puppy and this way they can each have one. But most importantly they are dang cute. I think this is probably most important for publicity purposes. Imagine the Time magazine cover with their cute faces on the front and the words "America's dogs." They have choke chains and a tandem leash. Earl does a great impression of a dying dinosaur. How many dogs can do that?

I am confident that you will see how perfect Randi and Earl will fit your family and represent this great country. Just let me know when you will be coming to pick them up. I'll get new collars for them.