Mazatlán

Last week I went on vacation to Mazatlán México where I was not kidnapped and kept all of my limbs and my head.  Preparing to go to Mazatlán was actually more work than anything.  Jessica had agreed to semi-house sit for me and Sara spending the nights at Sara's with the felines and the days over here sewing with the canines.

And the Lord said unto Randi Unadopted
"Thou shall be good for Jessica or she shall shocketh thee."

 Before I left I put stickies on everything so Jessica would know which remote to use with which  device.

I also made new ghetto collars for the dogs that included Jessica's phone number in case they decided to try to escape or were incarcerated.  The night before my mom was over and said, "Beth, why are they wearing ties?"  As you can tell from this photo, these guys knew something was up because Earl and Clark are not this chummy.

Unbeknownst to me, I had been booked in first class on my flight back from Mazatlán.  I was pretty excited about it, having never traveled in first class.  When I got to LAX however, they offered me an upgrade for my flight there.  I said, "What are the benefits?"  and the ticket agent said, "Well, free cocktails...." I cut her off and handed her my card.  Sara politely picked me up at the airport and went with me on the shuttle to the resort where I was ready to party after my three inflight gin and tonics + 1/2 of pain pill combo.  We promptly met up with Jose and Francesca and sat down for Bingo.  I did not win at bingo any day.  Sara Suertera, however, continues to win daily.

Walk to Playa Bruja (4.2 miles)

Photo album for the Bridezilla

Wednesday we left the resort to go snorkeling.  I wasn't sure how it was going to be with my back, so I had some beers before we started.  I nearly killed myself in the panic that ensued when I was trying to breath through the snorkeling equipment until I told myself to calm the fuck down.  Then everything went much better.  I saw lots of fish and Sara saw octopi.  I returned to the beach earlier than Sara because I didn't want to go balls to the wall on my first time out snorkeling.  Plus, there was no beer in the ocean-it was on on the beach.

Me and Sara on our way to go snorkeling

Jose and Francesca

There were a couple of scammers on the beach who would not leave us alone.  I told them, "I'm on to you two scammers.  You live here on the beach underneath the "Titi Boys I" boat and get tourists to feel sorry for you and give you hugs and food, but I'm not falling for it."  Scam.

While on the beach Jose was talking about his native Nicaragua and I inquired what kind of tourism there might be in Nicaragua and Jose reflected and then replied, "Well, volcanos, sharks in lakes, and black people who speak English."  It's a wonder people don't flock to Nicaragua.

Jose, me and Sara

An iguana

 At the resort there were many iguanas.  I think this one below was trying to seduce Sara.

Iguana:  Hola Senorita, eres muy bonita.  Te quiero.  I would like to come and live with you in the United States.
Sara:  AAH!
Iguana:  Ah no senorita, no screams.  I have my passport, I can go in your luggage.  Look I can do push ups.

Possibly the same iguana.

Pretty much all I did.

Gecko in Sara's room.  We are lucky we made it out alive.

I called Jessica when I was driving home and her words were that the dogs had been very good and if she didn't know them she would have thought that they were always like that and that they were "angels."  I feel so proud.