Cesar

In every dog's life there is a defining moment. A moment that shapes his or her canine being and changes them forever. For Clark this moment came when he was about six months old and my sister and my friend Cesar punked him so badly that Clark was scared to walk by the couch for days. What did Cesar do? I don't exactly remember, but he made an indelible and infinite imprint on Puppy Clark's brain, so much so that to this day Clark hates Cesar. And by hate, I mean Clark goes beserko when Cesar shows up at the house. He doesn't even really like it when I talk to Cesar on the phone. The last time Cesar was at my house was so long ago that it was pre-Randi and Earl and when he showed up today Clark just about lost it. He went the type of insane where I could never let Clark be in the same room as Cesar because he would surely bite him. The type of insane where even Randi and Earl were looking at him like, "Dude what's your problem? This guy looks fun." Sarah, despite how you might imagine, couldn't have cared less. Her reaction was like, "Whatever. You used to hang out with us all the time and I had hopes, but I'm onto you now, man, I know you're not sticking around, so I'm not wasting any time with you. And I look bitchin hot right now." And then she strutted over to go underneath the deck. Clark's reaction to Cesar may be fueled in part by the fact that Cesar refers to him as "Courage." Even Clark can sense sarcasm.

However, Cesar better be on the lookout the next time he comes over if he doesn't show up with four of his hot firefighter buddies scantily dressed like he promised. Like I told him, I've got a pole in the kitchen for a reason.